Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Usually I just ask for nice feedback, but as I want this draft to be the best it can be before I send it in for my expert review, please, please, please give me feedback of any kind. Tweak my spelling, grammar, word choice, fix awkward sentences, anything. Thanks, and enjoy!
I like the topic you chose for the "food" competition- food is a very broad category, and you used your creativity to find an almost niche area about food- food allergies.
This piece is rich with family history and about how you were heartbroken that you couldn't have a variety of food adventures with your little brother- one that is a very sad prospect indeed.
Because this is more of an emotional food story, I would try to play up more the emotional drama that this piece has. We see some of it, but I think that more of it would really bring out the best in this story.
This is a great piece with a lot of potential, but there are a few grammatical and spelling errors that make the piece hard to follow. I've highlighted them; don't worry, spelling is easily fixed!
I know all the yellow is daunting, but they are all pretty quick fixes. I think this is a very meaningful piece that was a pleasure to review.
I love seeing your compassion for your little bro! I imagine this a feeling that many can empathize with. I myself am allergic to grass- no joke- and trees and pretty much any plant you find outside, so I feel for your brother.
This is a great piece with a ton of potential!