Peer Review by Hanan Adi (Germany)

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Time is not on thou side

By: purplpeanut


PROMPT: O’Clock

Wilt thou wonder on the sheer lack of time?
When everything seems a'missed?
Like streetlights on heavy raine'd afternoons, 
When thou read from heavy books,
Painted with words of artists' hand, 
He who so masterfully created, masterpieces, that thee of thy world reads for ever after,
Such pieces so carefully crafted, with ink and pen, page and paper,
Of dear Hamlet, he who holds a skull and speaks to friend not foe,
Of dear MacBeth, for he who killed his king for right of power,
For dear Romeo and juliet, the star crossed lover fools who unite
For his other characters, deemed not as worthy, but still contributing
Of book smart Horatio, dreamy laughter of Mercutio, brave but bold Benvolio?
He who gave us these stories, these plays, that have sunk into our very knowledge, 
our very essence, he who is now gone, though his stories live on for ever after,
can we not acknowledge his brains?
For a stitch is placed in time,
a stitch upon his artistic talent gone. 
 


Peer Review

The very first line is my favourite: "Wilt thou wonder on the sheer lack of time?" It sounds as if one of the Romantics wrote it! This line is lyrical and really makes one think. It's wonderful that you are able to start a poem with such a hook.


This poem is about Shakespeare. The concept of time is relevant because Shakespeare lived and died many centuries ago.


Reviewer Comments

Just a couple last comments: "thou" in the title should be "thy." The possessive of "thou" is "thy." ("Thine" is used instead of "thy" when the thing being owned begins with a vowel: "thy voice"; "thine eyes." If the possessive pronoun and possessed object(s) are separated by a modifier that does not begin with a vowel, then "thy" is used: "thy very eyes.")

In all, I like and agree with the theme of this poem. You clearly show your love for Shakespeare and his profound effect on literature to this day. You are also experimenting with archaic voice, which is a bold endeavor. I'd suggest you read more books and poems (not necessarily Shakespeare) that have such voice so that you may become more familiar with how it is used. Tolkien's "The Silmarillion" is a good example of archaic speech, for one.

Lastly, I want you to know that, if I have sounded harsh in my review, I sincerely apologize. It's really just because I am so excited to read your poem and to try to help you, so maybe it sounds like I am shouting and demanding. You certainly do not need to take all of my suggestions; just take whatever you find useful and forget the rest. All the same, I have tried to comment thoughtfully, to make you think about not only how you may strengthen this poem, but any other of your poems. I hope I have succeeded.

Thank you for writing this, purplpeanut (I'm sorry I don't know your real name). Have a lovely day!