My daddy left. I miss him. He said he loved me. I love him. Does he still love me? He is in rehab. I don't know what that is and mommy won't tell me. I really do miss him.
6 years old
My daddy came back. He punched a hole in our trailer. He had polka dotted arms and eyes were pink. He walked around like me after I spin around a lot. He kept yelling at mommy. He never said ¨I love you Emma.¨ He walked out the beaten up door without saying good bye. Bye daddy. I will always love you.
7 years old
He's not coming back. He told me he would never leave me, but he lied. He never came back. He's in all of my nightmares. Those same pink eyes, polka dotted arms, and devil eyes. I told him I loved him, but I lied. Happy fathers day to no one. No one to teach me that perfection is a myth. No one to tell me that no matter how hard I tried, it could never impress him. I have a new daddy. He's way older than mommy. He yells more than my other daddy. I told him I hate him and that he'd never be a father. I can't trust another man in my life. Ever. Thanks a lot dad. I still want you daddy.
8 years old
He's still here. We've only left twice. I moved into his castle. He has a lot of llamas. It's way bigger than our trailer. I still miss my dad. I think I still love him. Does he still love me? I don't think so. He's with another mommy. His brother left my cousin. I feel bad for him. He's too young to know what he's missing. Ryan started crying. He's been having nightmares just like me. I hate my new daddy. He says he loves me, he lied. I told him I loved him, I lied. And then my new daddy left me. Why do they always leave me? Am I really that bad? I miss my old daddy but he's not coming back. Who needs a dog anyways.
9 years old
Yet again, a new dad. How long until this one leaves? He tried saying he loves me. As if I'm falling for that again. I don't trust anyone. I started a new school and I don't have many friends. I'm the weird new kid. Smarter than most and also friendless. My teacher loves me. I hate my new school. I've started keeping a journal. It's mostly depressing. I wanted to run away or commit suicide. I told my mother of my suicidal thoughts and she realized her delicate flower was more delicate than she could ever imagine. Slit wrists, strangled throat, and hanging from trees. I hope he leaves. I'd rather him leave us now than to leave us brokenhearted. I'm a monster. Daddy, where are you? I need you.
10 years old
I've made a couple of good friends. I still hate him, just not as much. He's stayed so far. I wish he'd just leave. I swear he hates me. I don't care anymore. I hope I die. I really do want to just be alone. My brothers seem to get along with him. I lost my will to live long ago, yet I still play with dolls. I hate you daddy. I really do hate you. You don't love me, you never have. You never will. I had once loved you. I gave up on love. Thanks to you, I have trust issues with every man.
14 years old
I hope you treat Kody better than you treated us. She deserves better than you, but you're all that she has. I hope you can love her more than you ever loved me. She's already three and she's my spitting image. Must bring back some bittersweet memories, doesn't it daddy? You still try to convince yourself that you loved me, but you didn't. You can pretend as if you loved me, but there's only one thing that I know in life, daddy hates me.