Peer Review by Phoebe L (United States)

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isn't food amazing?

By: Mariana Morales


    Food is a dream
food is all i need
food can make me alive
but it can also make you die
don't eat it in excess if
you want it to be a success.
The food we eat is amazing
shows that we can love
something materialistic
FOOD IS HAPPINESS!


    In this resources given shows that food is sometimes healthy depending on the type of food and what this food contains, for some people food is the most amazing things you could ever had, but why is that? Well food is our source to live food is energy for our body, food is what we live with.
    food is colorful, FOOD IS HAPPINESS!

   


Message to Readers

positive feedback so i can improve my writing


Peer Review

I like how you opened the piece with a poem. It's a unique approach to the prompt. The narrative voice also seems happy, which gives a nice cheerful vibe to the piece.


It seems like you've started to go into the health aspects of food and why humans enjoy and create so much food. There are a lot of different directions you could go in with this; for example, in the poem portion you said "food can make me alive, but it can also make you die." You could write about why food can be good for us or dangerous, such as the daring food that people try, like eating poisonous puffer fish or raw meat. You also mentioned why food is so important to us, and there's a lot within that topic you could write about as well.


I'm not sure how long this piece is (in terms of word count) but you may need it to be a little longer to meet the word count. You could try making a specific personal connection to your piece. Why do you like food so much? Do you have a story about trying a new food or what food means to you?


I think opening with a poem is a really cool idea. Is there a reason why you made your poem lowercase?


I think you have a good foundation that you can expand upon to make a really interesting piece. Like I said, the poem aspect of it is unusual and will make it stand out.


Reviewer Comments

Best of luck! :)