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Heartache Tonight, New Light Tomorrow

October 17, 2014

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”

In life people want to hide themselves and others want to wear their hearts on their sleeves. People like Hazel, people like me, want to hide. They want to bottle up their emotions so it doesn't get in the way. There are only extremes in which these types of people reveal their emotions, one of them is grief. Grief does not change you. Grief cannot change, it can only remold us to who we really are. Grief scrapes off the layer that you hide behind so you can make it through the day. It peels back the layers and makes you vulnerable to the world. It shows what you are really capable of. It shows everything about you. It shows you that you don't have everything and you can't have everything.

How do I know this? I've lived through grief. I had two students in my school die recently. One was a girl in my grade and the other a popular boy who was adored by everyone. They had bright futures and flawless smiles. They were the ideal student and the perfect friend. They died within the same week. She was the first death I dealt with and held it in, the second time around with him, not so much. If you have not dealt with grief, I suggest that you try to avoid it. Grief comes in waves, cleansing you of who you thought you were. Picture this: You're on a cliff. Standing near the edge. It starts to crumble. It starts with a heavy feeling of unbelief as you fall. Then it pulls you down faster. Head spinning, unable to control yourself, you almost lose it. Just as you're about to hit the ground, you stop. Some people don't though. They're permanently damaged. Others slowly make their way, back up to the top. It's different for everyone. Then eventually you reach the crumbled top of the cliff and you stand back up. Sometimes you trip and almost fall back down, but eventually you reach steady ground. Grief, it's something everyone will deal with. It's just a matter of when and how. Some grief is easier to handle than others. Others can feel like eternity underwater, screaming but no air will reach you.

Grief tests you. If you think you're strong, it only shows you how much you have to work for. If you think you are soft, it only shows you how much more things mean to you. Grief doesn't just strip you of the person you lost and loved, it strips you of yourself. Leaving you broken and torn apart, only having to rebuild yourself again. And again you will be built. I promise that new light will shine soon. Who knows? That heartache you feel tonight, could be the start of a new light tomorrow.


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