Peer Review by I Write Occasionally (United States of America)()

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khloris

By: elisa


FREE WRITING

    i. it's as if your organs are only roots and you can reach through your ribcage and pull out a beating, petaled heart, blood pounding in a staccato rhythm, gliding through a body that mother earth designed for one purpose:

    ii. to grow. and if the pulsing tendrils of your mind don't warn you a stumbling soul oozing arsenic blood and chloroform breath will.

    iii. can you tell the difference? if not, the bloody butterflies in your eyes should keep them shut forever, or at least until you choose to grow. but how can you, when the beat of your breath is uneven and cold and ice breaks your leafy skin and lilac hair, and the salty seawater is more poisonous than refreshing.

    iv. you know who the fault really belongs to. and it's not you, but the man who leaves you bouquets to thread through your ribcage and daisy chains that almost choke you. you wait in his ivory palace and leave a crimson rose by his door. someday, you know, your roots will strangle him and you will finally be free. 

    v. until then, though, you keep growing your garden, and sticking rose thorns beneath your skin, so should he hurt you again, you might be safe.
khloris, a greek goddess of flowers who was raped by the wind god zephyrus and then forced to marry him.

Message to Readers

i'm pretty proud of this tbh


Peer Review

What line doesn't? I'm particularly fond of the line found at what you've labeled "ii". This is an extremely poignant phrase, lyrical and yet, it remains harsh and unforgiving in a gorgeously worded metaphor.

I feel very caged- like the protagonist- but at the same time, vengeful, bitter, empowered. I have seen the light of freedom, and I will wait until I (as the protagonist) cannot be wronged again.

What inspired you to draw on this particular myth?

Reviewer Comments

I have no words to describe how much I adore this. This is stunning. Beautiful, fantastic, a true work of art. You should be very very very proud of this piece because it's absolutely amazing. I aspire to tell this kind of story in my own writing one day. Please, keep up the good work!