United States

Death is a Grocery Store Clerk (humorous)

April 26, 2018

Death is the reaper of life
Sickle in its skeletal hand
A list of names on the monitor
He scans the barcode on your forehead
To check your expiration date
If not, he asks for a runner to return you to the aisle.
He scans the head of Mary Sue
Born February 8, 1972.
“Says here you were in a car crash
And you’re currently in the emergency room” he muses.
“Well, what’s it going to be?” asked Mary Sue.
“I think you’re going to make it,” he replies.
Death calls customer service, and a service runner
Pushes a cart for Mary Sue to get on
“Back to the aisle you go!
Come back in about thirty years.”
Next he scans the head of Ben Dover
This gentleman is considerably older
“Hm,” says Death, “it seems you’re quite advanced in years.”
“I’ve had over a century!” Ben Dover exclaims.
“How’s your health?”
“Terrible,” says Ben, “So what’s it going to be?”
“Well, we’ll just have to see
If the Big Guy Upstairs has other plans for you.”
“I hope not” Ben replies, “I’ve had quite enough of living.”
The monitor flashes red and blue.
“Oh! Says here, you’re going back to Earth!”
“But you’ll be reincarnated into the body of a sixteen year old girl!”
Next up was little Betty Smith.
“Oh little girl,” Death crooned, “you shouldn’t be here yet!”
“No, I should,” said Betty Smith. “I was playing with matches.”
“Were you now?” Death checks the screen.
“Oh, you’ve been a naughty little girl, haven’t you?
Setting SoCal ablaze!”
“Yes, I deserve to go to the inferno,” Betty Smith agrees.
“No,” said Death, “I’m sending you back to Earth to pay your dues.”
“You’ll be doing community service till you’re old and blue~”

Bend over Ben Dover
See you on the other side
Checking off one after another
Eventually reaching everyone
Waiting for you to queue to the front of the line
Calling for your name
Grasping for you
There is only one thing we say to death:
“What took you so long?”


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  • April 26, 2018 - 11:03pm (Now Viewing)

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