Peer Review by Suri Purefoy (United States)

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Untitled

By: sincereskies


FREE WRITING

Prologue

    "Ready or not, here I come!"
    She squirmed further away from the door, buried herself under clothes, grasping her teddy bear. She could hear footsteps. The closet door creaked open. She could see a hand, groping for her. No! She wanted to win. It was her birthday after all. Her 5th birthday. It was a special day.
    So she closed her eyes, then drew a circle in the air. Then opened her eyes and giggled to herself, dancing with her teddy bear. No more was the dusty walk-in closet, but now a lush, green meadow stood before her. She skipped around a bit more, then laid down on her back, gazing up at the azure blue sky.
    She could see her babysitter, still looking for her, kind of like watching a TV screen in the sky. The girl skipped, and danced, and laughed some more. She didn't understand that her ability wasn't normal. It was just a game to her.


Message to Readers

This is a little idea that popped into my head: what if this girl could travel through space-time, and arrive in another dimension? This is a really rough draft, so please, any feedback of any type is welcome. This is the prologue of my story, so more will be explained once the first chapter is writen. Also, please give me title ideas, because right now, I don't have a clue what to name it. Thanks, and enjoy!


Peer Review

"Ready or not, here I come!" I love this line. Not only is it a wonderful opening-line, but it really hooks me into the story.


Wonder. It made me think and ponder.


I really, really think this is a creative and great idea, and I can't wait to read more of it! Find out if her babysitter ever finds her, if this ability becomes a problem, etc,.


Reviewer Comments

Hi there! I just wanted to say that this is a great piece of wrtiting you've got here! I eally like your idea and the way you wrote it, presented it, was amazing. Keep writing!