Peer Review by Ella (United States)

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I Need Dreams

By: Cynthixia


FREE WRITING

Let's sleep at the bottom of the ocean forever.
Drown our sorrows in the deep blue.
Let's sink into darkness like our hearts and minds.
Before the world burns with me and you.
 
While buildings crumble and skies tear,
Oceans part and ice flares.
When the land trembles and the forests burn.
You and I have one last turn.
 
Let's play a fair game,
No one with the upper hand.
Let's play a fair game,
Shall we begin?
It's time to return to the heavens above,
Where the grass is green and fire is red.
At last I can go to bed.
 
Dreams are an escape,
Where there is no pain.
Anguish is extinguished,
And happiness reigns.
Oh how I'll sleep forever,
Oh how I will whilst the world burns in flames.


Peer Review

"Let's play a fair game / No one with the upper hand / Let's play a fair game." I like the use of repetitive phrases here. I think it adds something very interesting the piece. It also strikes me as something which could be a song lyric, which I like.


I'm left feeling dissatisfied, because to me it seems like the person in the poem is a bit in denial, trying to ignore the problems of the real world with a temporary solution. I think this reveals something about the person in this poem, which is very interesting to think about.


Where did the inspiration for this piece come from? Also, how did you decide to put in in rhyme?


Reviewer Comments

Very interesting piece. One thing I noticed is that the fourth stanza doesn't seem to rhyme, at least not when I read it. Consider revising so it rhymes, because it threw me a little and unfocused me from the poetry. All in all, nice job.