Peer Review by luluzen (United States)

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Something of the Dark

By: Winter Galaxy


FREE WRITING

I see liquid night
as it drips into my eyes
Crystal starlight
hanging still among the skies

I see the galaxy
tangling itself in my hair
The air of unreality
Through my hands, the stillness stares

The strangest things, they come and go
We are people of the dark
I see what you'll never know
but these things will leave their mark

What can be beautiful can be deadly
and protected all the same
Because beauty comes in different forms
and unlit worlds are never tame

I am something of the dark
my people have all left
Their fear has scattered,
passions shattered
How's our world known for theft?

And they thus began
to drift away
Lost, they ran
Built lives around the day

How's it that my words are no longer strong
And whats left are only
seeds to feed the birds
but no birds to sing their birdsong

See, where you belong is when you dream
Concousness is only set in stone
Van goph didn't paint his starry sky
so the stars could shine alone

 

My poems are getting a smidge repetative.

Message to Readers

Published on a whim because I was too tired to tailor it to perfection. So it's probably far from ideal. But before I take a stab at it again, if you see any major flaws in it, leave a review :)


Peer Review

"I see the galaxy tangling itself in my hair" It just adds depth to the poem from the very beginning. The way it was written gives the poem mystery and allows the reader to imagine a galaxy of beautiful things and horribles messes all in one sentence.


I feel the loneliness and sadness of the poem. It was so interesting to read about the people of the night. My most favorite part was the transition on how they lost themselves to become those who assimilated to the day.


What inspired this poem?


Reviewer Comments

Loved it! The incorporations of the stars, and outer space, in general, were amazing. I do wish there was more to this. There were things I wanted to know, about the people and how they left. Are you the protagonist, or is this hero a new creation?

A lot of great things!