Dani A. Remlap

United States

~Eighteen~
-Writer
-Trying my best
-Hufflepuff
-Endlessly curious
-Self-proclaimed poet
-I just wanna help people
- Last year on WtW

Message to Readers

Hey, guys. Okay, I've been terrified of publishing this, but here it is. This is just an outpour of frustration and emotions that I needed to work through. For the record, I love my family and they're all amazing. So this has nothing to do with them. I just needed to deal with a few things that have been flitting around my mind for years now.
As always, thank you so much for reading!
xo
Dani

To Him

April 30, 2018

FREE WRITING

21
I'm standing here
Trying to find the words
That I never said
That I never got the chance to say
Because I was still a baby when you left
I shouldn't even care
But I do
I guess one of us has to
Let's take it from the top
Zero, birth, were you even in the room?
one
two
three
four,
four years old and you're gone for good
five
six
seven
and I'm a big sister
eight
nine 
ten
you signed me over, 
My dad adopted me
The best thing you ever did for me
was leave
How messed up is that? 
Eleven 
Twelve
Thirteen 
and I'm trying to figure myself out
Fourteen 
Fifteen
Stop

That's where I am now
Fifteen with two beautiful sisters 
A big brother I'd take a bullet for 
The best dad in the world
And a mom who never, ever gave up on me
You remember her, right?
Y'know
I look enough like her
You might just recognize me 
I was angry for such a long time
I was bitter at a tender age
Because I wasn't worth the 
child support you never paid
But I'm done being angry
Zero--the times you've tried to reach me
One--the number on my dad's fathers day mug
Two loving parents who I don't deserve
Three amazing siblings
Four 
Five 
Six
years ago I still carried your name
Thank God it no longer hangs over me
Seven
Eight
 I decided to forgive you
Nine
Ten
and I changed my name 
I was ten years old
Eleven

Twelve
Thirteen I started a new school
Fourteen and now I'm
Fifteen and the hardest thing I've ever done is 
Forgive a man who doesn't deserve it
Didn't ask for it
Couldn't care less about me
But I don't have the luxury to sever things like you did
My blood is a mix yours 
and my mama's 
I can't wash my veins clean of that
Blood of my blood always seemed like such a cruel phrase
A reminder I wish--
God, I wish I could forget
But I am so tired at being angry at someone
Who never learned to be a father
Who never learned to be a man
So I release you
You are no longer a source of pain
Of anger
Of bitterness
I forgive you 
It isn't sweet
It isn't some grand gesture
My forgiveness is not a gift to you
But to myself
I am letting go of a burden
I am far too young to carry
No longer is this weight on my shoulders
It is now on yours
They say forgive and forget 
I guess that's what happened here:
I forgave you 
And you forgot me

Signed,
The Kid You Never Wanted
 

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10 Comments
  • LackingASocialLife

    Holy crap. I just realised that I can grant you the best-seller badge with my like. And OBVIOUSLY, I'm gonna like it because this is one of the most passionate things I've ever read that DESERVES to be a best-seller!! You never fail to impress me. Each time my standards for your writing hit a bit higher, and yet every time you still go above and beyond said standards.
    You're so amazing! For your writing and your inner-strength to let go of such a struggle.


    over 2 years ago
  • Riley Noel

    Wow, this whole piece is so beautiful and honest. I really feel your emotions bleeding through the page. As someone who just recently went through a similar expirence I can really understand where your coming from. I hope one day I have the strength to forgive like you did.


    over 2 years ago
  • see and write

    Amazing work right here. Keep doing what you do, cause it's beautiful!


    over 2 years ago
  • nezi_nes

    Wow. This is the first piece I've read from you, and already I've been impacted. Have to say I can't wait to read all the others you've published.


    over 2 years ago
  • sasha.gemini

    Wow! I'm just blown away by this! It has so much meaning; its truly beautiful.


    over 2 years ago
  • Deleted User

    This is stunning! Perfection written all over it :)


    over 2 years ago
  • Dani A. Remlap

    Thank you all so much!


    over 2 years ago
  • Conner Strother

    This here, This is what i call beautiful. words with so much meaning and creative thought. love the profile pic too by the way


    over 2 years ago
  • CreativeAngel

    Omg I so relate to this i just want to idek but amazing job!


    over 2 years ago
  • 16missing

    Full of emotion and bitterness but ends with resignation I love it!!!! I love the structure and unique rhythm you gave this poem and I just want to tell you he never ever deserved you. Good Job!


    over 2 years ago