Writing an editing


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Message to Readers

i'd like some feedback on grammar errors or spelling errors. Any other errors like sentence format errors, i would like for anyone to point out. Thanks for reading this! ;)

Drip, Drip, Drip...

November 13, 2015

You are running in a dark, shadowy hall. Okay... The walls are closing in, you run faster and faster untill you reach a door of metal. How do I get past the door? You put your right hand on the wooden nob of the door and turn it, opening the door. Then you step inside and see a safe, it holds your memories. My memories?...Yes, your memories. Open the safe. I can't... What is keeping you from opening the safe? Chains... chains of blood...

    She woke from her trance with a start. Straining hard against the leather bonds that bound her to the chair. They strapped her down by the wrist, ankles, head and chest. Panting hevely with sweat running down her brow the woman opened her eyes and gasped. "Its' not working..." The woman whispered to herself. "I cannot reach them, I cannot retreave my memories." 
    Her name was Ciara Demont, a telapathic enthusiest living in the woodgrove of Emerald, alone. The place had long been deserted after the war, the training fecilities abandoned, all the barracks torn apart. The woodgrove is one of five that teaches the people of Elm telepathy, and it is the only one ever found, then destroyed. People from all over Elm would search for the Woodgroves of Aalone. But a the new dictator of Elm decided to find them herself and become a the only telepathic. She cut the country off from all the others and the land fell into nuclear war. Elm won, and the rest of the world turned to dust, radioactive and lifeless. "This is true power..." The Dictator once said. "When you have the power to safe the world and end it when ever you wish."
Then The Dictator found the fith woodgrove, the woodgrove of Emerald, the protective spirits of the place dinied her request of an apprenticship. Ciara was there, nothing but a child then, clinging to her mother. The Dictator was so angry with them that she destroyed the place, killing its inhabitants and the spirits themselves. Leaving nothing alive, except for two souls; Ciara, and her mentor. 
    Ciara flexed her fingers impatiently and called out. "Ahote! I am finished!" She had lost her memories in the exposion that had wiped out the woodgrove, and in these sesions her mentor and herself attemped to retreave them every day A swift animal entered the chamber. It was a russet and gold fox. The areas where white fur would have been located were replaces with golden light. It appeared like lightning in front of the woman. Its narrow almond shaped orbs locked on to the lady straped in the chair.
     Already? We were just getting started. Then in a fash of golden light, the bonds of leather diseapeared into thin air. The fox named Ahote levetated a couple of feet into the air and curled into a ball on Ciara's lap. Three months and you still can never get past that step. He sighed, speaking in the mind of Ciara. If only you were strong enough... Ciara pet the fox reluctantly, rolling her eyes. "I am strong enough Ahote." The fox laughed telepathicly. 
    Not quite yet my dear, but soon you will be. We better get going, you still haven't eaten. Ciara sighed inwardly.
    "Might as well..." The woman was tall, fair skinned, with dark redish-brown locks. She always had her hair back in a pony tail, unless she was in a session with Ahote. Her eyes were a bright blue, like shards of ice, and just as sharp. Making them her most prominent feature. The woman was wearing a kimono of silk and no shoes, weather there was fair enough for this to be so. Never did she smile, as far as Ciara or Ahote knew.
    Come on... Ahote jeared. Ciara saw that the fox was already out the door and ran from the chair in the middle of the room to the entrance herself. 
    "I'm coming don't worry!" 
Being late for dinner was the least of either of their worries. As a dark cloud drifted ominously over the horizon, pooring down dropplets of dark red rain. Blood fell from the sky...
This is the begining of the first chapter. I hop you like it and a review is greatly appreachiated. :)


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  • November 13, 2015 - 7:25pm (Now Viewing)

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