Peer Review by Josephine O'Grady (United States)

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A Conversation with my Future Toddler

By: -annie rooks

PROMPT: Child Narrator

*A nightime Q&A*
We are people 
“What are people?”
People are the human race
“What’s race?”
Race is something people like to use to as an excuse to discriminate
“What’s discrimination?”
Discrimination is an excuse for ignorance
“What’s ignorance?”
Ignorance is an excuse for not knowing and being too prideful to admit it
“What’s pride?”
Pride is an excuse for insecurities that have been masked
“What’s an insecurity?”
Insecurities are the parts of you you hate, the parts of you you wish weren’t you
“What’s hate?”
Hate is an excuse for taking your fear of faith out on others
“What’s faith?”
Faith is believing in something when there is no guarantee that promise will be kept
“What’s a promise?”
A promise is not letting someone you care about down
“What’s caring?”
Caring is what we’re all so afraid of
“Why are we afraid?”
Because we could get attached and then it could be torn out of our hands
“What’s attachment?”
Never wanting to leave a moment
“What’s a moment?:
A moment is the rush of billions of thoughts racing to your mind but none of them matter right then
“What are thoughts?”
Thoughts are our way of coping with heartache and hardship and having a little friend inside of us, even when they bully us, they always know exactly what to say if you know how to listen
“How do we listen?”
We smile and accept everything as it is
“What’s smiling?”
It’s the best parts of our soul peeking through our skin and catching a glimpse of the external world
“What’s the world?”
The world is the animals and the plants and everything in between
“What’s left in between?”
“What are we?”
We are people.

Peer Review

I like that you respond to this prompt through your own voice, but you make the second character (your future toddler) feel so close that you can understand what he/she is thinking as much as you can understand what the main character is thinking. When I read this, I felt I could understand both you and the toddler; it made me feel like, as I read the words through, that I was asking the questions AND answering them. That's a cool feeling for the reader to have. Another thing I liked was that through the eyes and voice of the child, I felt as confused as the child was, asking the toddler's questions over and over again in my head, which brought back memories when I was younger.

'Faith is believing in something when there's no guarantee that promise will be kept.'
This was my favorite line because I find that there are times when I feel I have a lot of faith, and then there are times when I don't. I'm not always sure what triggers me to have faith, but for the past few days I've been in the middle of what feels like a circle of faith: faith in my family, faith in my world; the parts I like and the parts I don't like, and faith in my moments; good and bad. So I've been thinking a lot about faith. I don't know if it's getting me anywhere, but I have been spending quite a bit of time with faith on my mind.

I'd like to know more about the toddler because though I feel like I understand her as she asks question after question, I'd like to see you turn her into a living, breathing, full fleshed character. What does she look like? What are some of her moods, good and bad? Does she have a favorite dessert (recalling memories of my childhood, I know firsthand that a child considers her favorite dessert a big part of her).

Reviewer Comments

I loved reading this! Not only did it say a lot about the child narrator, it said a lot about the world-- how confusing it is for a child, and how confusing it still is for those who are grown up. Great job!