I just want everyone to know that I am FULLY aware I smell like a rat that got caught in a trap a few weeks ago, and that my father, the demon Kulo'roiq, was not around for the formative years of my life. I have twelve arms (eighteen if you count the ones on my head) and my breath exudes from my lips with the energy to power twenty thousand Puerto Rican office buildings. In my native realm (which is impossible to type out using your measly twenty six letters of human alphabet) I am what is known as a LOSER, and someone who should NOT FEEL THE WARM HUG OF LOVE.
My favorite novels are classics like Rut'gar's "The Devastation of the Grengaran Wastelands" and "Everybody Poops". I find it fascinating that you humans are so comfortable sharing HIGHLY DETAILED images of FECAL MATTER in a CHILDREN'S BOOK. I have laser vision. I also really enjoy sitting outside during summertime nights! There is more to me than meets the eye, for I am also a shapeshifter. I am 100 percent fully responsible for the assassination of John F. Kennedy, and the attempted assassination of George Washington Carver, or whoever it was who invented the telephone.
But besides all that, besides my flame breath and my greed, my lust for power and my overwhelming urge to feed on the bodies of my enemies,I signed up for eHarmony for a reason, to find my Soul Mate!