Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I need the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly on this one. What do you think of the characters? The house? The environment? The description? Did you read faster at the end because of tension?
This story has a unique conflict. not the classic good guys vs bad guys. I like it. The conflict is between the character and his past, his peace and his memory...
Lots of internal reflection! very nice introverted character. I would like to know when they left the house, and under what conditions. Did they tell their parents about their spectral visitor? Did they leave the house in terror to live somewhere on the other side of town?
It took a satisfying while to figure out just why there characters were there. (walking home from school) great job describing the fence. Very imposing and old looking.
I think a little more about our spectral friend here would hook the reader even more.
I think this is a great piece that is very satisfying to read! This is exactly what I would like to read on a stormy winter night with my favorite blanket. It has a lot of elements in it: the main characters new friend, his old house, the ghost person. Sneaking. Finding peace. And the whole mystery of "who is this ethereal being?"
I thought that you created Tony very well. A character who knows how to work his angles. A guy who is willing to sacrifice others to do what he wants. Doesn't sound like a friend I would want. Perhaps choosing this person as a friend shows that the main character was very affected by their childhood and has yet to choose who they want to become? I like this piece very much, and I have only 1 regret: I might never get to read the rest of it.