Peer Review by booksandcoffee (United States of America)()

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?

​Soldier Queen

By: Riley Noel

PROMPT: Walking

Jasmine watched from her hiding place as the prisoners were marched along the road. Hundreds of men their cloaks torn and their armor dented, thick black chains decorated their wrists and necks. They walked slowly each one hardly lifting their feet off the ground, they swayed every direction struggling to stay upright. Their heads were bowed in defeat. Jasmine watched and waited, finally she came into view. The women wore the purple cloak of a captain, her armor shone with blood and her eyes were alive with fire. Unlike the men her footsteps were strong and measured, each stride the same length. Her heel hit the ground first, then she stretched the rest of her foot till her toes hit the ground. She hardly made a sound as she walked and despite the heavy chain around her neck she carried her head high glaring at her captures. The chains may have said prisoner but her eyes said queen. 

Peer Review

The description reveals that the character has lots of courage, and that she can persevere even in the toughest times. Even though the queen is a prisoner, she still has a powerful walk, revealing that she has lots of determination and pride.

My favorite line is the last sentence. The line gives such a strong image of the queen walking with chains yet still having the look of a queen. The contrast of the way that she looks externally and the way that she feels internally is very vivid.

Reviewer Comments

Great job on this work! The descriptions are so vivid, and I'd definitely want to read a longer version of this story if you decided to expand on it. I look forward to reading more of your works on Write the World!