Peer Review by Angelina Nguyen (Australia)()

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​Soldier Queen

By: Riley Noel


PROMPT: Walking

Jasmine watched from her hiding place as the prisoners were marched along the road. Hundreds of men their cloaks torn and their armor dented, thick black chains decorated their wrists and necks. They walked slowly each one hardly lifting their feet off the ground, they swayed every direction struggling to stay upright. Their heads were bowed in defeat. Jasmine watched and waited, finally she came into view. The women wore the purple cloak of a captain, her armor shone with blood and her eyes were alive with fire. Unlike the men her footsteps were strong and measured, each stride the same length. Her heel hit the ground first, then she stretched the rest of her foot till her toes hit the ground. She hardly made a sound as she walked and despite the heavy chain around her neck she carried her head high glaring at her captures. The chains may have said prisoner but her eyes said queen. 


Peer Review

The characterisation of the woman leaves a great impact on the reader as someone who is brewing in strength, ready to be harnessed. The way "her footsteps were strong and measured" and how "her eyes said queen" really represent the admirable side of this character as someone who is able to still exhibit qualities of resilience and determination despite her circumstances. This description of her walking strongly demonstrates these characteristics.


"She hardly made a sound as she walked and despite the heavy chain around her neck, she carried her head high glaring at her captures." This sentence was evocative and really brought out the stride of the character. It sticks out because it's climatic.


Reviewer Comments

This was a well-defined and developed response to the Walking prompt that explores how our travels reflect who we are. Your grammar and punctuation could be fine tuned to enhance the technicality of your piece and clarify certain areas but aside from that, there is really strong writing demonstrated in this description.

Your approach to the prompt is one with creativity and intense representation. I would also suggest considering to explore other sensory details in your piece as I have noticed that texture and visuals are where your descriptions mainly form from. Consider exploring taste and scent more in depth and interweaving them within your description to create dimension to an already intricate piece.

I hope my review can assist you in developing your piece and I look forward to seeing more of your work on WTW. Happy writing!