Riley Noel

United States of America

Senior Peer Reviewer
Former Write the World young writer, now mentoring other WtW young writers through peer reviews!
I am so excited to help other young writers better their craft!!

Message from Writer

Adventurer
Daydreamer
Future Screen Writer
NCIS Agent
Rebel Spy
Demon Hunter
Possible Demigod
Shadowhunter
Starfleet Commander
A proud Gryffindor
Dean and Sam Winchester (older brothers)
In love with
Bucky Barnes
Indiana Jones
The Doctor
Éomer
Doctor MCcoy

​Soldier Queen

March 2, 2018

PROMPT: Walking

10
Jasmine watched from her hiding place as the prisoners were marched along the road. Hundreds of men their cloaks torn and their armor dented, thick black chains decorated their wrists and necks. They walked slowly each one hardly lifting their feet off the ground, they swayed every direction struggling to stay upright. Their heads were bowed in defeat. Jasmine watched and waited, finally she came into view. The women wore the purple cloak of a captain, her armor shone with blood and her eyes were alive with fire. Unlike the men her footsteps were strong and measured, each stride the same length. Her heel hit the ground first, then she stretched the rest of her foot till her toes hit the ground. She hardly made a sound as she walked and despite the heavy chain around her neck she carried her head high glaring at her captures. The chains may have said prisoner but her eyes said queen. 

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6 Comments
  • Riley Noel

    Kati, thank you so much for your kind words! I am definitely brainstorming a short story based of this, I am hoping to have it finalized soon. When I get an idea I tend to think faster then my hands can type then forget to go back and edit, so I will be sure to fix that in the next installment!


    almost 2 years ago
  • Kati

    You set a striking scene with this! Are you thinking of writing a short story or something based off it?
    A note about singular/plural usage -- I think that "The women wore" would actually be "The woman wore" since I'm assuming that you're only referring to the one character.
    I really like the contrast you set between the crowd of down-trodden men and this fiery queen.


    almost 2 years ago
  • Riley Noel

    Skyward Bound thank you so much I am glad you liked it. I will work on the commas sometimes when I write I just hurry to get my ideas on paper and forget about punctuation.


    about 2 years ago
  • † Skyward Bound †

    I love this! The last line is very good especially! One suggestion: you may want to work on where to put your commas. A few misplaced and lack thereof can really distract the reader from your actual writing. This is really good! Keep writing and God bless! ;3


    about 2 years ago
  • Riley Noel

    ALangford thank you so much!


    about 2 years ago
  • ALangford

    hey - well done, this is really nicely written and I love the concept!


    about 2 years ago