Peer Review by Jacie XP (United States)

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Touch of Death

By: AprilStorms


I was walking in the park like every other day. The wind was making the trees dance and I put up my hand to feel the breeze. But the wind parted around my outstretched hand and I pulled it back, the smile falling off my face. Continuing to walk on the gravel path I watched as my pristine sneakers repelled the dust swirling like fog in the air.
"Hey," I had been concentrating so much on my shoes that I hadn't noticed two guys approaching me. The one that had spoken was standing so close that I jerked backwards, tripping over a tree root I fell on my butt.
"Oh, sorry," he held out a hand to help me up, "I didn't mean to scare you."
I stared at his hand that was outstretched towards me.
"Are you going to let me help you up?"
"No thank you. I prefer it down here."
"C'mon, let me help you up." he reached for my hand but I cringed away.
"No, please don't."
The guy's friend stepped forward and dragged the pushy guy backwards, "I'm sorry. Carter, here, seems determined to press his chivalry on everyone he meets."
I nodded, still shaken. He had nearly touched me!
"Okay. Well, have a nice day."
The two boys walked away but before they were out of earshot the Carter guy commented, "What do you think her problem was?"
"You have no idea. So don't judge."
Warmth blossomed inside of me at that comment. It was true, he didn't know my name or my problems and I didn't know his.


Message to Readers

This is the beginning of a longer piece I'm working on. Any feedback would be helpful.


Peer Review

The girl not wanting to be touched.


I want to know who the girl is and why she won't let people touch her.


It starts out in a park, probably during spring. Must I go into more detail?


It would be cool if it was a book.


This piece is great, please keep writing?


Reviewer Comments

I WANT TO READ THE REST!