Peer Review by sincereskies (United States of America)()

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Red

By: Suri Purefoy


Big billowing clouds of a dark gray mass rumbled and grumbled from their perch above, belching the frozen liquid pulps down upon the humans below. The ice chunks bounced and clunked, shattered and pmmmmhed. All the city people cowered and ran for cover, trying to protect themselves and their surrounding peoples from the ice storm. It was a chaotic frenzy of sloshing hurried foot-steps and little shrieks from bystanders.
    But among that chaos, there stood a young girl. Her hair was plastered onto her face from the wet, and little red and pink bumps were forming on her skin, like small blisters. Her expression was perplexed with her brows risen high up on her forehead, mouth parted in astonishment, and eyes wide with something awfully similar to love. Even as the haled ice broke down onto the poor girl, she stood amazingly still, staring at something in the air. 
    And there it was. A bright red glistening balloon, a translucent string attatched, floating above the street of chaos. The ice pelted and fell, but that served as only a minor set-back, and the balloon simply shuddered and moved on, sailing toward the gray sky above.  


Message to Readers

Anything. Thank you to those previous of reviewing: you helped me fix the errors and mistakes. Thanks! You're awesome!


Peer Review

"And there it was. A bright red glistening balloon, a translucent string attatched, floating above the street of chaos." I really like this, because it really shows the innocence of little children, who get mesmerized by little things like a red balloon.


Wow... An ice storm and a red balloon. I really liked how you made the balloon seem like a little thing that can overcome big obstacles. It was really good!


Reviewer Comments

This was a great piece! I really love the character, and the ending. Very powerful. Keep writing these pieces!