Peer Review by ...emily (United States of America)()

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Red

By: Suri Purefoy


Big billowing clouds of a dark gray mass rumbled and grumbled from their perch above, belching the frozen liquid pulps down upon the humans below. The ice chunks bounced and clunked, shattered and pmmmmhed. All the city people cowered and ran for cover, trying to protect them and their surrounding peoples from the ice storm. It was a chaotic frenzy of sloshing hurried foot-steps and little shrieks from by-standers.
    But among that chaos, there stood a small young girl. Her hair was plastered onto her face from the wet, and little red and pink bumps were forming on her skin, like little blisters. Her expression was perplexed with her brows risen high up on her forehead, mouth parted in astonishment, and eyes wide with soemthing awfully similar to love. Even as the haled ice broke down onto the poor girl, she stood amazingly still, staring at something in the air. 
    And there it was. A bright red glistening balloon, a translucent string attatched, floating above the street of chaos. The ice pelted and fell, but that served as only a minor set-bakc, and the balloon simply shuttered and moved on, sailing toward the gray sky above.  


Message to Readers

Anything. Just to have known you have read it is heart-warming.


Peer Review

The line that describes the little girl's expression--"...perplexed with her brows risen high up on her forehead, mouth parted in astonishment, and eyes wide with something awfully similar to love" was exceptional. The vivid imagery created a clear picture of her face, and I got a sense of the character's childish wonderment.


I'm guessing the unlikely pair was the red ballon and the hail storm. The writer did a fantastic job at making the pairing believable/acceptable but still surprising/unexpected. The pairing seems conflicting on the surface, but the writer incorporates the two elements so well, so that I felt this pairing was just *right* The contrast made it all the more beautiful.


Reviewer Comments

This was a very strong, absolutely lovely piece. There was so much subtext behind the little girl's actions, and I was so intrigued by her fascination with the balloon. I couldn't help but wonder about her backstory and what caused her to fixate on this red balloon, despite the injuries it caused her. The atmosphere you created here was somehow preternatural--in the best way.

I enjoyed this piece so much that you've inspired me to use this prompt for a scene in my novel! I hope to read more of your work soon!