Peer Review by Helen Grant (United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland)()

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Red

By: Suri Purefoy


Big billowing clouds of a dark gray mass rumbled and grumbled from their perch above, belching the frozen liquid pulps down upon the humans below. The ice chunks bounced and clunked, shattered and pmmmmhed. All the city people cowered and ran for cover, trying to protect them and their surrounding peoples from the ice storm. It was a chaotic frenzy of sloshing hurried foot-steps and little shrieks from by-standers.
    But among that chaos, there stood a small young girl. Her hair was plastered onto her face from the wet, and little red and pink bumps were forming on her skin, like little blisters. Her expression was perplexed with her brows risen high up on her forehead, mouth parted in astonishment, and eyes wide with soemthing awfully similar to love. Even as the haled ice broke down onto the poor girl, she stood amazingly still, staring at something in the air. 
    And there it was. A bright red glistening balloon, a translucent string attatched, floating above the street of chaos. The ice pelted and fell, but that served as only a minor set-bakc, and the balloon simply shuttered and moved on, sailing toward the gray sky above.  


Message to Readers

Anything. Just to have known you have read it is heart-warming.


Peer Review

That would be "...eyes wide with something awfully similar to love." I could picture it perfectly in my head when I read it, which is always a good sign with writing!

Also I would like to give a special mention to newbie word 'pmmmmhed.' What a show-stopper! It made me think of old-fashioned comic books :)


Given that the two ideas are so different - and never seen together - you managed to make it seem so natural. It wasn't at all contrived, and could have fitted perfectly into any good book or film. Actually, I hope you write more on this because I'd love to know what a bright read balloon is doing floating around in an ice-storm! Sounds like magic...


Reviewer Comments

This is such a beautiful piece of writing! I can't wait to see what you do next!