Peer Review by Lily-Arum (Australia)()

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Excerpt from Ethereal

By: Lumisade


"Listen. Close your eyes and listen."

Curious, I closed my eyes and stood perfectly still next to her. I listened, and heard the world going on around us as it always did. The sounds of civilization pulsed and hummed throughout the surrounding atmosphere. But I had learned to shut that out. After years of living in the midst of it, it was nothing but white noise. Straining to hear more, I listened to the sounds of the soft breeze dancing and weaving around us, and I could even hear the it playing in the treetops in the park, rustling the leaves and carrying them lightly as they descended to the ground. It made me smile; I loved that place.

“It's beautiful, isn't it?”

My wispy reverie faded at the sound of Cat's voice; I opened my eyes and glanced at her. She stood with her hands tucked into her jacket pockets and her head lifted to the breeze as it ruffled her pale golden hair. Her eyes were still closed, but the expression on her face was of pure bliss. In that moment, she was too beautiful for words. The joy she held in her heart was unlike anything I'd ever witnessed, and it radiated through her entire being. My own heart felt light and euphoric, just seeing her. I smiled, and went back to listening.

“It is,” I agreed. “You can almost hear the sun shining.”

This is an excerpt from my pride and joy, my work-in-progress novel known as Ethereal. I'm considering putting everything I've got of it so far on here, but I thought I'd start with one or a few excerpts just to see if it actually interested anyone. It's written from the perspective of my darling Kit, a young boy whom I dreamed up a while back, and his character has developed so much and I just adore him. Okay, I'll stop now. Thank you so much for reading!! It means the world to me!

Message to Readers

This is just a little excerpt, but I'm thinking of putting the complete work-in-progress (oh, that's a lovely oxymoron) up here, if this interests anyone. Constructive criticism is always greatly welcomed and appreciated!

Peer Review

The line "You can almost hear the sun shining" stands out to me, I love the way you have worded that! It's the perfect line to express your character, Kit's, opinion on what he's just experienced and to set the mood of the scene.

After reading your excerpt, I must say, I am dying to read more! I can tell that a romance may be developing between Kit and Cat (love the names, by the way). The park scene along with your fantastic descriptions of the world around them is quite romantic. It's just like Kit and Cat are in their own space, observing the world from afar, together.

How long have you been working on 'Ethereal' for?

Reviewer Comments

I'd love to hear more about your progress in 'Ethereal' and more than anything, I'd love to read what you have so far! Great job :D