Peer Review by † Skyward Bound † (United States)

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Emerging Darkness

By: Quilling Leaves

It came suddenly, pouncing from beneath my skin, it was emerging from its cave like a wolf emerging the night. Darting through my veins with cold blood, all the negative emotions, I've tried to lock away from it, falling into its greedy talons, and pulling them out of the locked safe. I scrambled to shove them back into the safe, trying to keep them bottled and corked, but they were already in its clutches and it refused to let go of them. They were the things it needs to feed on, to fuel the fire it was starting to make me twist into something I didn't want.

​My knees buckled under the weight of all the boiling rage, bubbling hate, and brokenness that the little demon inside me was releasing, washing all the traces of positive emotions and thoughts away. I tried to stop them from entering my heart, the source they needed to turn me into something I wasn't, to turn my soft heart into a blackguarded heart. I felt the bitterness slowly rising from my toes, heading for my mind as I let out a scream as they ripped down the wall and entered my heart. Instantly, my heart starting pumping cold, black blood in my veins which raced towards my mind, the only thing I clung too for saneness. But, my wall was torn down by the little demon himself, and it smirked at the last of my saneness collapsed and his darkness started to appear on my outer appearance.

​The monster that was supposed to be a mere myth had become true, but this time, unlike the legend, I was failed to keep in control, my sanest was leaving me, I was swallowed into oblivion. I became the monster I was supposed to be.

Message to Readers

Any feedback if is welcomed. Please review so I can make my flash fiction better. Thanks for reading this flash fiction and God bless you.

Peer Review

Great job! You did a very good job grabbing my attention and portraying the emotions the main character was going through.

You did this successfully throughout the parts in the piece where you never fully explained what was going on with the mysterious monster within. You made me wonder, "Who is this "it" character inside?" and "What is the main character going through? Is it something that happens often, or something inevitable that the main character has been trying to hold back her entire life?"

No, not really. You had this all perfectly balanced.

Great work! This has great potential, and it was a unique idea. I like the concept and was intrigued from the start. Keep it up! ;3

Reviewer Comments

You may want to work on sentence fluency. For example, understand the uses of the comma, and try not to make run-on sentences. Embrace the power of what is left unsaid! :D