Peer Review by singaporeandreamer (Singapore)

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Black Robes

By: r.r.v_


    I am a monster whispered through clenched teeth, scared eyes, balled-up fists.  Many tales have woven lies about what I can do--downplaying the power that I have, as if to reassure themselves that they can face me and win.  
    But let me tell you this.
    Forget what they have told you, because I am worse.
    I am a fear that grasps onto its victim like a python slowly suffocating its prey.  I am destruction and wrath and anger embodied into one monstrous form.  I am desperation and terror, too.  I am a god wrapped up in vengeful clothing, an outcast among my own brethren.  There's a very good reason they cast me away.  And for that, I have to start with something else:
    The concept of my kind.
    Power comes in ideas, in thoughts, in dreams.  There is not one single entity that does not think about me ripping them from the living.  Not one that does not fear about the pain and horror that comes at the end of one's life.  I am always at the back of their minds, intertwined in every choice they make.  I am always in the trembling of a dying hand, always in the eyes of victims and perpetrators alike.  
    One can guess that I am powerful.  But I can assure you, I am more powerful that Life themself.  

    Nothing happened at first.  I was allowed a throne among my brethren, allowed to walk and converse with them.  But that was before they saw who I really was.
    They saw me view humans as playthings.  They watched me laugh, watched me grin as I saw those puny little creatures suffer.  I've heard it all: the pleading, the bribery, the excuses.  And I can assure you, none have changed my mind about possibly offering mercy.
    Immoral they called me, disgusting they viewed me.  It got up to the point where they decided unanimously to overthrow me.
    They'll regret that.  They will know how it feels to wither away and die, just like those little humans that call them God.  
 


Peer Review

the very strong start to the story which drew me in and definitely made me curious to read more. the menacing tone of the narrator was also a great hook for me, and is one of the things that i found really interesting.


“there is not one single entity that does not think about me ripping them from the living.” this line was very clear in its implication in that the subject was death or at least the grim ripper. i understood almost immediately who the subject of this story was. well done!


no! i felt there was a little too much description, but it didn’t make the story too chunky so that’s fine!


this story is really well executed! i felt genuine fear when i read this story, so you’ve done a really good job!


Reviewer Comments

this was such a pleasure to read! thank you!