Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I think the first sentence, "5:00 bus", best encompasses the setting of this piece. It provides the image of someone who's had a long day and needs to catch the bus home. It sets the scene and provides a relatable image for those who have been in similar situation.
I might say it seems 'busy' as the second sentence, "My feet hurt" implies that the character is weary after a long day.
The amount of information that was packed into ten words astounds me. To me this piece is quirky, witty, a little bit humorous, and something anyone who's been in a similar situation can relate to. The last line especially, was absolutely perfect.
I want you to know that I loved this and sincerely hope to see more like it in future!