Peer Review by LyraLynne (United States)

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Journal of a (_____): Chapter Two

By: Lee Fudge


Journal of an Orphan 

9/25/98 - I got this journal in the gift exchange. It’s one of the only nice things we get here, since it’s donators kept pestering the headmistress about to. It came with a pen! All those writing lessons from Ms. Barnes are finally gonna pay off.

9/26/98 - Jamie is rather rude to me. She won’t stop chasing me around the halls, and she always steals my toys. Why would she pick me though? It seems like she’s singling me out. I hope she stops.

9/27/98 - Jamie through a plate at my head, it made me headmaster smacked her on the head, it left a mark. I don’t think she should be punished like that. I am going to talk to Jamie.

9/28/98 - I think me and Jamie are friends now. We got in this orphanage under the same circumstances, our parents were killed in a gunfight. We think they killed each other, but that’s beside the point.

9/29/98 - A man with a strange....coat of arms I think it’s called, came into today. He...he killed the headmistress, and then a bunch of scary men with guns came in and ordered us out. I found Jamie though. Thank goodness she’s safe.

On a page, someone wrote ‘Hello Orphan Boy. If you can’t read this, we certainly have a problem.’

9/30/98 - I’m going to write a response in this page, ‘Who are you?”

A reply was written that night.

’Excellent!’ It read,’Let me cut right to the chase, we have your friend.’

’What do you mean?” The organ wrote.

’Jaime, we have her. She is unharmed, and being held to the night of comfort. Now if you want to see her again, do as we say.’

’Who are you? Prove you have Jamie!’

The next response in the journal came with a photo of Jamie, holding a sign, that said ‘Proof enough for you?’ It also had the coat of arms on it.

’As for who are we are,’ The actual written response read,’We are...liberators. Now, do as we say. Remember, We’re not asking you, we are commanding you.

10/1/98 -I did what they said. That kidnapped girl has been moved. They want me to do more. I must save Jaime.

The last thing written in the journal was actually not found by the Orphan, as it was taped at middle pages. It was from Jamie. It explained why she tormented him. However, the entire middle was replaced with a coat of arms,

Message to Readers

Any feedback is great.

Peer Review

There isn't really one line that stands out. All the lines kind of blend together and make the story all the better.

I am left feeling concerned and anxious. It really makes me want to know what happens next.

Are the grammar mistakes purposeful to show the education level of the character? Sometimes it's hard to understand what is trying to be said.

Reviewer Comments

It's really good, although a little confusing at times, and it really makes me want to read more. Great!