Peer Review by yapyapxy (Singapore)

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Time

By: AbigailSauble


FREE WRITING

I look upon memories
From two years ago.
Some laughs, some fun,
Photos with friends.

I switch my attention
To present time; now.
We're more grown-up,
Time's going by fast.

I can remember
A time not long ago.
When we played pretend games
And looked up to adults.

But now we have switched;
Our roles are now different.
I see kids playing games
Who look up to me.

Time continues on,
Faster, faster, 'round the clock.
More memories are made,
More stored in our minds.

We must savor the time,
Pesky in the moment.
For it will soon pass on,
Like dew drops in summer. 
 


Peer Review

"Like dew drops in the summer" I found it interesting that dew drops, what conventionally considered pretty, can be viewed in a sad light in the context of summer. It reminds me of how much our present mood/emotions affect our perspectives.


A desire to cherish the present and now before time goes by. Maybe even wanting time to stop for a little bit, sometimes it feels like time flies by even before I know what has happened!


Was there any particular incident that made you re-evaluate what time meant to you?


Reviewer Comments

I quite enjoy reading pieces on time, and I do feel that your piece carries an important message. A minor letdown for me was that the beginning to middle didn't pack as much punch as the middle to end did - it would be such a pity if someone stopped reading halfway!

A suggestion would be to reconsider how your structure can mirror the sensation of time going faster and faster - shorter lines, perhaps, or monosyllables. Regular verses give a sense of steadiness which I think you can jazz up to fit the idea of time going by too fast towards the end!

Another suggestion is to consider how you can contrast the differences in the past and now without telling the readers explicitly - perhaps you can consider experimenting with past and present tense, or italics, or even first or third person perspectives.

I love the imagery at the end, I felt it gave the poem a little twist as the mood changed from mere remembrance to nostalgia and melancholy, and perhaps even regret towards not appreciating the dew drops while they still existed.

I definitely hope to read more from you. Happy writing and happy new year! :-)

Cheers,
Xin Yi