Peer Review by fire_to_freedom (United States)

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Super Secret Spy Agency: Episode One (Part One)

By: Lee Fudge


FREE WRITING

Episode One: The Old Man in High School (Part One)

Two Secret Agents were having a meeting with their boss. The two Secret Agents were named Agent Russel and Agent Dane, and their boss was named Commander Davidson. 

“Well, sir” Agent Dane began, not knowing how to begin a conversation with the scariest man in the world,”We believe that sending Agent Johnson to the high school is...uh...a bad idea.”

The Commander stared at them for a moment, and then asked,”What’s your reasoning for that.”

“Well,” Agent Russel said,”For one thing, he is seventy-eight years old,”

”...And, Agent ?” The Commander said, not seeing the flaw in this plan.

”He has a full beard,”

”Uh-huh,”

“Okay then, let me show you this video from the school’s security cameras.”

He then pulled out a tablet, then opened a video. The video began with Agent Johnson standing in the hallway, obviously looking for something. Kid walked up to him, asked him something,led confused then left. This happened a total of seventeen times, all with different kids.

Commander Davidson, finally starting to see the huge flaw in this plan, flew out of his chair and yelled,”I want him out of their right now! I want you to get there immediately!”

”Yes sir,” They both said, running out of his office, leaving the Commander wondering how he didn’t notice flaw so9ner.


Message to Readers

Any feedback is great.


Peer Review

I liked where you portrayed the Commander's panic after realizing that the plan was going wrong. The descriptive words you used really allowed me to imagine him going into a state of code red. Fantastic.


I am interested to see where this is going to go.


Are there going to be many characters we focus on, or is there going to a singular character? This was slightly unclear.


Reviewer Comments

I saw some grammatical mistakes that I commented on. I believe this story is a good idea, however, learning from personal experience, make sure you have a goal in each chapter you want to reach. Otherwise, you may grow bored.