Peer Review by Kaitlyn ❄ (United States of America)

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Magic Wars: Chapter One

By: Lee Fudge


FREE WRITING

Being blindfolded is very uncomfortable. Of course, James was blindfolded for a reason, he was was being escorted to the center of the Terra Labyrinth, were he would be imprisoned. The reason the guards blindfolded him was hey didn’t want him to know the way out, and James was sure they did of fake-out turns as well. 

Once they got to the center of the labyrinth, the guards took James’ blindfold off.

”Welp,”One of them said,”No way an Aquarius like you can do anything here.”

”Heh, yeah,”The other said,”No water for you to manipulate!”

James was silent then asked,”I assume I get to keep my sword?”

He assumed one of the guards nodded, however it was too dark to tell.

”It’s not like it would do any good,” He then pulled something offf his belt, then gave it James,”Here’s a torch, you’re going to need it. Bart?”

Bart then raised his hand, and shot a flame the size of a baseball at torch, lighting it in process. They left soon afterward. 

James went in the opposite direction. He knew the reason he was sent here had some merit. He did redirect a canal with his water magic, however it was only as serious as it was because he was a member of the Fire Patrol, a group of Water Mages that put out fires in the cities of all the continents *. 

He he had no idea how far or how long he had been walking, by Put after awh8le he heard a low rumbling behind him. It was the reason that all people in the Terra Labyrinth died, and how it actually got its name.

The rumbling came for the Labyrinth Golem.

* In sophisticated cites of course.
 


Message to Readers

If you can come up with a better title for this series, let me know.


Peer Review

The first sentence was my favorite. It stood out to me in many ways. It was an excellent starting sentence. You really dragged your readers in with that sentence. I think that it being your number one sentence really dragged me into it in a whole different way than if it had been, say, your fifth. It was just an extraordinary staring sentence and I give you tons and tons of credit for that.


I am so excited for the next one. This was such a fun story to read and to be honest, the last sentence was so phenomenal. I loved reading it and the last sentence just gave me chills. You did a really great job on that suspense. I am thrilled with this. I know that you've said that you want to make a novel someday and I think that this story has so much potential and you should really continue to write this.


I don't think that I really have any questions. You have a few grammatical errors and a few spacing mistakes which I will specifically address in the next part but as for the story as a whole, it is so great with incredible potential. I am so excited read more of it. This is such a thrilling story with such scary ideas. I like James. I love water, for one, and for two, the starting sentence, for some reason, made me really like him quite a bit. So great job on that.


Reviewer Comments

Your spacing is a little funky. I don't know if you meant to but it makes it much harder to read when your spacing isn't right. Be sure to put spaces in between each word. And when you have something like '.... it James,"Here's a torch...."' you need to be more like '.... it James, "Here's a torch....'" You know what I mean? If you want me to, I can further explain what I mean. You really need to keep writing more of this story because it is so good and I will most definitely be following it as best as I can so just keep writing and keep up the great stories. I wish you the best of luck on your novel because I know how extremely difficult it can be to write them.