Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
If you can come up with a better title for this series, let me know.
The first sentence was my favorite. It stood out to me in many ways. It was an excellent starting sentence. You really dragged your readers in with that sentence. I think that it being your number one sentence really dragged me into it in a whole different way than if it had been, say, your fifth. It was just an extraordinary staring sentence and I give you tons and tons of credit for that.
I am so excited for the next one. This was such a fun story to read and to be honest, the last sentence was so phenomenal. I loved reading it and the last sentence just gave me chills. You did a really great job on that suspense. I am thrilled with this. I know that you've said that you want to make a novel someday and I think that this story has so much potential and you should really continue to write this.
I don't think that I really have any questions. You have a few grammatical errors and a few spacing mistakes which I will specifically address in the next part but as for the story as a whole, it is so great with incredible potential. I am so excited read more of it. This is such a thrilling story with such scary ideas. I like James. I love water, for one, and for two, the starting sentence, for some reason, made me really like him quite a bit. So great job on that.
Your spacing is a little funky. I don't know if you meant to but it makes it much harder to read when your spacing isn't right. Be sure to put spaces in between each word. And when you have something like '.... it James,"Here's a torch...."' you need to be more like '.... it James, "Here's a torch....'" You know what I mean? If you want me to, I can further explain what I mean. You really need to keep writing more of this story because it is so good and I will most definitely be following it as best as I can so just keep writing and keep up the great stories. I wish you the best of luck on your novel because I know how extremely difficult it can be to write them.