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LackingASocialLife

Australia

No longer social-life-less

My goal is to reach a status of fame where I mention that I had a Write The World account and fans go on a hunt just to find the cringey teenage relics.

Until then, keep making me proud, y'all.
I will miss you.

Message from Writer

If you gain nothing from my pieces, at least understand this:

Treat people with some fricken respect you twats.
Unless they steal your food then by all means lead the way

Day 10- Last time I cried.

December 23, 2017

FREE WRITING

4
Now 4 days ago when I did top ten facts about me I said I didn't think I had cried since April, but since then I have.

I have a panic disorder. What that means I experience panic attacks- sudden physical and mental feelings of fear for no reason (May include hyperventilating, shaking, dizziness and other things)- frequently. And yesterday, around 11 pm Brisbane time, I had a severe panic attack that lasted about 20 minutes. 

It's like if you were falling backwards and landed on a floor of glass- it's that moment just as the glass underneath you shatters.
It started small, I felt a bit unsettled as I walked around my house, my heart wasn't racing but when my brother called out to me from the living room, he sounded distant, as if I was dreaming. He'd asked me if I was ok. I didn't answer as I scuttled into my room. I sunk into my bed and just sat there staring at my bookshelf, I started to tremble. No matter how many times I've experienced it, it still felt new and strange, I felt unprepared. I stood up and the whole room went black around me, not like the darkness slowly appeared when you're tired, my sight was just gone in an instant. I collapsed. My sight came back and my heart beat started to quicken and quicken and quicken until I felt I could hear it. My breath started to lose rhythm until I was gasping for air. I tried 478, but I had such a little amount of oxygen to hold myself with that I couldn't. The room didn't spin, it was more of a twirl, like the trail a door knob takes when you twist it. I felt like I was dying. I texted my friend, I wanted her to tell me about something, anything. But I changed my mind on asking that request, which bothered her. I mean, who would want someone to be like "Hey can you do something for me?" "Actually sorry never mind."? 
She persisted on me telling her what was going on so I said I just wanted her to talk because my heart was racing. She knew and she called. I didn't pick up.
"Georgia. I know you're having a panic attack. You'll be ok-pick up." She sent. I didn't. My gasping lessoned but my heart rate didn't slow nor did the trembling stop. And I wept. I cried because I was terrified. And I knew I was insane. I knew my best friend would always help me, yet I was afraid of inconveniencing her or worrying her. She has anxiety, I felt she didn't need to worry about me too. But I'd done it by saying my heart was racing because she knew what that meant. I cried for worrying her and for losing control, I rarely lose control with a panic attack. I was unstable.

Eventually, the panic attack passed and I gathered myself together. I made excuses for why I had been unavailable for the past twenty minutes because I didn't want to seem like I was seeking attention and I cleared things up with my friend.

I tell you this not only because it's the truth, but also to be able to say this: Crying is healthy, it's normal and there is nothing wrong with doing it. The same goes for mental disorders. They aren't controllable and even the strongest people can be taken over by them. But it's normal. You are not an insane human being who nobody will love if you do have a mental disorder. It took me about a year to open up about my panic disorder, yes it wasn't smooth sailing. Some asked me if I faked it for attention and others asked me how I could be certain without full clinical clarification (Of which I have been to the doctors before with confusing pains and illnesses where they've said it can occur from overwhelming experiences of stress). But overall, I did mostly receive loving support. I learnt to come to terms with panic attacks and how to keep them in control. So if you need anything, that one person to give you support, that one person to chat to, I'm always open if need be. I'm no expert, but you should talk to someone if you need help, and I'll be that someone if you need me to be. (georgia.musumeci@students.northside.qld.edu.au)

So that is the last time I cried and the life lesson to go with it.
I hope you have a wonderful day and a happy holiday
<3

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  • December 23, 2017 - 7:11am (Now Viewing)

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12 Comments
  • LackingASocialLife

    Thanks for all of you guy's support. Even though it probably doesn't bother you, I'm sad to say I will no longer receive any emails you might send me to chat. My school has put some new things in place.


    almost 2 years ago
  • Aravis Tarkheena

    Trust in the Lord, He won't fail you. It's good to read other people's honest experiences even though I don't really share mine.


    almost 2 years ago
  • AbigailSauble

    Merry Christmas. :)


    almost 2 years ago
  • LackingASocialLife

    Red Writer that was beautiful and I hope you the best for therapy Kaitlyn! Unfortunately, in my home, my parents don't deem therapy necessary for me but I'm so happy to hear you will be able to have it. Have a Merry Christmas and a great day everyone!


    almost 2 years ago
  • Kaitlyn ❄

    Thank you. I've found that a lot people like my new profile pic. I love Loki and yes, your pun was bad but funny XD
    I'm about to enter therapy for depression so I understand what you're saying.


    almost 2 years ago
  • RedWriter

    The point of a pun is, after all, to make someone laugh or smile.
    This is a really good piece. I feel like I say that a lot, but it's probably because everyone on here astounds me. For you to give a real life experience is really humbling because you realize everyone else is human too.
    But seeing as I am running out of time for holidays, I will try not to take up time and let you revel in the fruitcakes of your labors! I'm sure Yule have a great holly-day.
    (Sorry yet not really ;))


    almost 2 years ago
  • Bellbell0307

    LOL!


    almost 2 years ago
  • LackingASocialLife

    YES MY PUN WAS A SUCCESS


    almost 2 years ago
  • Bellbell0307

    sorry that pun was pretty bad... but it was funny!


    almost 2 years ago
  • Bellbell0307

    HA!


    almost 2 years ago
  • LackingASocialLife

    Thank you! You don't need to be sorry. We all have our hiccups.
    I like the new profile photo, ok that's an understatement, I lo-ki love it (That was an awful pun I'm so sorry)


    almost 2 years ago
  • Kaitlyn ❄

    I'll be gone all day so I won't be able to do mine yet.
    This was really good and I'm so sorry for you.


    almost 2 years ago