Peer Review by ALangford (United Kingdom)

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ylang ylang

By: Daria Anghel


FREE WRITING

the flower of ylang ylang 
grows in trees far in the East

a tree with yellow flowers
you'd think nothing more of it

but the flower of ylang ylang
now grows in my heart, too

a heart with yellow flowers 
and blue eyes

i used to wear ylang ylang
so the perfume would make you think of me

but now i don’t wear it anymore
because it makes 
Me
think of
You


Peer Review

'a heart with yellow flowers/and blue eyes' - this is a really striking piece of description which stands out really effectively from the more minimalist other stanzas and is generally really beautiful. There are also many different ways this could be interpreted. It leads on really well from the previous stanza, lengthening the amount of time in which the reader isn't sure of the connection between the ylang ylang and your heart.


A feeling of acute sadness, really! It's written in such an understated way but somehow evokes a really intense feeling of brokenness and disappointed feelings. I think this is what made the structural feature you added at the end so very effective - it really enhances that sense of disjointedness and brokenness.


Why did you choose the ylang ylang? Is it because of some symbolic meaning, or because you just find it beautiful?


Reviewer Comments

This was a really nice poem and I loved reading it. You use language especially well, and it was interesting what you did with the structure at the end. Perhaps it wouldn't have worked on this poem, but would you consider in different works varying the structure again to create interest? Perhaps use syllabic structure to represent something you're feeling in a certain line, or introduce rhyme for a sense of closure and contentedness. You may be doing this already but it's always interesting to consider how you can convey feelings outside of using words.
Well done - this was beautiful. I hope to see more of your work on the site in the future!