Peer Review by Lopiekins (United States)

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The Santa Claus Conspiracy

By: Terry Hopson

    Santa Claus, the big, rosy cheeked bringer of joy. He has Mrs. Santa and his elves by his side, in the North Pole is where he resides. With his reindeer and his sleigh he delivers presents to the world, all in one day. Well, that’s what I thought of course, until one Christmas Eve, I found the presents actual source. 
    It was Christmas Eve! Outside you could see the grass frozen over and white, and on the rooftops snow had collected on the corners and found shade. My only issue was the temperature. Inside was nice and warm with the lingering aroma of sweet cookies. Outside, however, was cold and wet from the sun’s faint beams on the ground. All the houses sparkled with color, each house attempting to out do the other. That did not stop me though, I threw on my warmest coat and most comfy hat and went outside. My exposed face was blasted by the crisp, cold air. I rode my bike from house to house, summoning my friends outside to play. The band was finally together. We took a moment to argue what game we would play. We settled on tossing the football. “What are you getting?” One said to another, “I asked for a nerf gun, and some Pokémon cards. What did you ask for?” “I’m getting a scooter!” He replied gleefully. Each pass of the football some one would say what they asked for, until it was spoiled by the kid I liked the least, lets call him Phillip. Phillip remained quiet for most the conversation until he had the ball in his hands, “You wanna know something CRAZY?” Phillip said, eager to tell his secret. “Sure.” We all replied nearly in unison. “Santa Claus ISN’T real!” We all froze for a second, attempting to comprehend the absurd thing that was just stated. “Santa isn’t real?” On kid asked, to confirm what Phillip said. “Nope! He isn’t real!” By then I curiosity kicked in, “What the crap are you talking about? How do you know?” He gave a evil smile, calling me ignorant without saying a word. “I found my presents.” We each exchanged a surprised glance. He continued, “I got everything on my list! Even an Xbox! All my gifts were in my parents closet!” 
    My mind was blown! It couldn’t be true. He was on the naughty list so his parents got it for him, I thought. I returned home and spent the rest of my day with my family, though the doubt lingered in my mind. Night time was finally upon me. One half was super excited for the presents the other curios about the nasty rumor I had the displeasure of hearing. I was going to find out the truth. In my room i kept myself awake playing Christmas songs on the radio. Seemingly hours later I hopped out of bed and crept into the living room. The tree was still presentless. I hid myself cleverly under the lamp table casting a shadow over me, it was time to wait. I twiddled my thumbs and routinely looked up at the tree, it remained empty. I would admire the delicious looking candy canes then contemplate going out to get one but I refrained. I didn’t want to jeopardize my mission. Hours really did pass this time and I was exhausted, still the tree was bare. What if I am being naughty now and Santa doesn’t even come to give me my presents? I though worriedly. My thoughts were interrupted by something in my peripheral vision. Moving as silent as snow, my mom entered the room. She looked around and doubled back to her room. She soon returned, this time with neatly wrapped presents in her hands. She placed them strategically around the tree. My father followed suit, equally as silent carrying his load of gifts. They moved fast making trips in and out carrying me and my sisters’ gifts. My fragile little mind was overwhelmed. A few minutes after they left I returned to my room and went straight to bed regretting what I had saw.

Peer Review

I liked best the fact that you played up a very common scenario! This happens all the time, but it was special here because the reader felt the emotions. I was quite upset with Phillip, even though I know Santa isn't real!

The month of December will always remind her of the rude awakening to Santa's fake existence

It was a very good story, but I think it may have been missing some real reflection on what you think about th e month

Not completely, no. The story was so detailed that I expected a better ending. It was good, but it was such a long story for such a short ending

You are very good at sucking the reader into the story. I could see the whole thing playing out in my mind. Great job!

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