Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I haven't written anything in a while. My apologies as it isn't great. I'd love it if anyone reading showed me ways to make the story more intriguing or if they let me know if it doesn't fit the theme- I write something off topic unintentionally a lot.
That's hard to choose- there are so many wonderful lines in this! Probably 'where once intrigued eyes of animals now lolled backwards into their heads'. I thought this was quite cool because not only does it have the juxtaposition with your earlier description thus keeping the piece coherent, but it's also beautifully simple. It's not a complex sentence but the words you used were purposeful.
This is a passionate piece. I don't really like that word but here it applies. I can feel the anger and sadness but it's almost as if you, or the persona you chose, is resigned to the unfortunate state of things, understanding that it's unfortunately unlikely to change. The tone of this is almost accusatory. It's good.
This. This was pretty damn brilliant!! I like the full stop on your title - it has a confronting finality and the repetition of it throughout reinforces this. I look forward to reading more of your work - well done!