Peer Review by AminahMcBina (United States)

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Finding Da Wae: Da Evil Volleyball Team

By: PineappleGirl


FREE WRITING

Da evil volleyball team. Those people are blood sucking viruses who want to eat you alive. Then spit you out cause your not on the volleyball team. That's probably the truth. Here is a conversation I had with London (girl on the team)
Me: Hey can I play?
London: Are you on the volleyball team?
Me: No
London: Congratulations! You just answered your own question. Fool.
Okay, maybe I exaggerated that a bit. But not much (I'd like to point out I wrote that last part grudgingly). They all think they are better than everyone cause they are on the team. One girl Autumn, she used to be so nice and like,  good. Now it's like she, well she turned into Everly. Everly can be nice but sometimes, well sometimes. Well I have no comment on that. Everly is my friend, sort of. I can't tell with her. One day she asks me if I'll do something with her the next I find myself following her like dog hoping for attention. Same with Autumn. I swear she was so nice until she got the influence of the volleyball team. Here's a list of people from our grade that are on the team:
Autumn
Everly
London
Vivian
Yup. That's it. And they all think they are better than everyone. They where there jerseys EVERYWHERE!!! They only talk about the team, and during P.E. class Everly plays volleyball with herself even when we're playing her favorite game. Another thing: Vivian's evil pony thingy. It has the ability to make anyone wanna slap her when she turns around. LITERALLY!!!!!!! Molly was talking to her. Then got mad. Then talked about. Now Vivian only wheres that thingy on VERY special occasions. Here's how the conversation went:
Molly: Blah, Blah, Blah (I wasn't listening when she told me this part)
Vivian: Blah, Blah, Blah (I still wasn't listening)
Molly: (This is the part I started listening cause I got slapped in the face by an annoyed Molly because I wasn't listening) Okaaaay cool
Molly turned around and walked away.
Vivian: Did you just whip your hair in my face??? (Molly didn't, Vivian is just really dramatic and annoying)
Molly: Ummm
Vivian walked up to Molly and starts screaming about this, that, and her undying love for whatever she was in love with now (most likely the volleyball team).
Vivian: Don't whip your in my face ever again!
Then Vivian turned around and whipped her hair in Mollys face. Molly then began spitting in an effort to get Vivian hair. That was really fun one to explain. Anyway, you kinda have met everyone in this story except LONDON. No comment. 
London: Thinks she is a teenager on tv and isn't afraid to show it. Used to be best friends with Autumn. Then something happened and now on the rare occasion they speak they barley say six sentences to each other. Like me and my baby cousin. Except instead of six sentences its more like six syllables. Mainly because he's a baby. Anyway I think the whole teenager thing explains a lot. Also half the time I'm pretty sure she thinks she's in a 1980's beach movie. It's probably true.
Anyway,
This is me.... signing off. Ow, I have a knot in my hand.


Message to Readers

CHAPTER NINE. I think. Sorry, I was in caps lock and didn't fell like re typing that. Anyway, peace (read in a deep voice for effect)!


Peer Review

"Congratulations! You just answered your own question. Fool. " I just find this line seriously hilarious!


I feel that the author can improve, I see the talent, but I don't see too much effort.


Have you always felt this way towards the people in your class, or was there a certain situation that made you feel this way?


Reviewer Comments

As always, keep writing! I do, however, want to note that you have to pay attention to the grammar and spelling. Even a change in the smallest mistakes will make the writing profusely better!
-Mina