Peer Review by Lucy_Cerys (Australia)

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By: Holly Richardson

PROMPT: Birdsong

Crow calls over dry sidewalk in November
Children skip rope below black feathers
CAW "Traitor!" CAW
One girl's dress fits wrong over her growing body
One boy can't wait to fit into his trousers
CAW "Fat!" CAW "Skinny!"
Crow follows all until death
Soars over heads
Things not meant to be heard
Things ignorred
Like little black annoying birds

Message to Readers

I have no idea whether this is appealing or not. I'm stretching my style range, so any feedback is appreciated.

Peer Review

You only really used onomatopoeia once however the way it was repeated throughout to reinforce your message works rather effectively, mimicking the subject accurately.

Throughout this poem there is strong imagery connoting to crows and things associated with them; blackness and death for example, which is pretty neat. I like the last line (well almost last) - 'like little black annoying birds') because the syntax of the poem mirrors this closing sentence. The 'CAWS' in the poem represent those annoying birds as well as other messages to do with life and self-image (or at least, that's how my tired mind is reading it at the moment).

Reviewer Comments

This is a really interesting and creative piece. Well done!