United States

Asexual || Dreamer || Hufflepuff
Hopeless romantic dreaming to find her true love
Songs || Stories || Poems
In love with two people, plus someone who can never be mine.

Message to Readers

Don't you guys just love my true stories (that was rhetorical don't answer it-)? I tried not to make it very depressing, but, it's my life, and some of the depressing bits are key details that I can't leave out. You'll see a change in verb tense near the end- that's on purpose, in case anyone wonders. Feedback and suggestions are always appreciated! <3

Am I Pretty Yet?

November 22, 2017


I'm six years old, it's hot outside. The sun is shining bright and I'm running around barefoot. My long, brown hair flaps freely in the wind and my matching mocha eyes are clear as the day before me. I play with my cousins in our grandparents' big yard. We roll down the hill, we pretend to be airplanes flying high in the bright blue sky. After a long day of play Mommy takes me inside and pushes me into my room. She smiles at me and hands me a small white dress with ruffles and a pretty pink gem in the middle of the chest. I put it on, and Mommy braids my hair back. She smiles and hugs me from behind and takes me out to see the family. I'm praised for my beauty and I'm showered with love and attention. Am I pretty yet?

I'm ten years old, it's still warm outside, but it's cooling down. I'm playing with my cousins again. The intricate owl on my shirt is with me during all the games we play. Despite the dirt on my cheeks and my scraped knees I am beaming, radiating innocence. My big cousins come out and see me. We all come together to figure out what game to play next. Mommy's in the house, making food. Daddy's at his friend's house, watching a movie. One of my cousins sees the owl on my belly and smiles at me, telling me how cool it is that my shirt is 3D. But... It's not 3D. He pokes my belly then laughs with the other big cousins. I laugh with them, but I'm confused. Then I suck my tummy in and the owl is no longer 3D. Am I pretty yet?

I'm fourteen. Being a teenager in junior high then high school all comes at a cost, it seems. Outside, harsh wind is blowing and snow is hiding the once bright green grass. My eyes are puffy from crying. I don't wear mascara anymore- it's such a burden when it runs down my cheeks. Mumma gets annoyed with me when I forget to do things. My wild hair doesn't like when I try to tame it. My jeans are as ripped as the skin they cover. Daddy yells at me when he has to clean up my messes. I hide in the bathroom a lot and talk to friends who live hours, states, countries away. When I take a shower my heart hurts and I cry. I suck my stomach in, hide my wrists behind my back and force a smile through my tears. Am I pretty yet?

When I'm sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, the flowers will bloom out of the snow. It'll continue to rain but rainbows will show as well. I'll still have my scars but I won't be scared to show them anymore. I'll have a good relationship with my therapist and while I'll still struggle with my disorders I won't let them define me. I'll grow up happy. I'll know what it feels like to wake up and want to get out of bed. My eyes will have flaws but still be clear. My hair will be free, just the same as it was so many years ago. My smile will be real, no longer faked, and my laughter will be genuine, no longer adopted and forced. I won't suck my belly in anymore. I'll help others to be happy. I won't let anyone I see suffer the way I did. Am I pretty yet?


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1 Comment
  • Aspen Gray

    Such a cool and important "character arc" that, while it's a tragic, horrible place to come from, that final paragraph describing where you've arrived is something very precious I hope eventually everyone will have without even needing to fight for it in the first place.

    About the writing itself, well done. It's pretty concise, but you pick just the right details to tell so every sentence is pregnant with meaning and emotion. Lovely diction.

    about 3 years ago