Peer Review by Ash (United States)

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Memorial Day weekend

By: WildingChild

PROMPT: Open Prompt

It was the weekend before I met him. I suppose every girl in the world has thoughts like mine, every girl thinks about her wedding, about her first kiss. But because I had never been kissed, these thoughts left me feeling hollow. So I pushed the thoughts down and away because they hurt. Sunday ended with me lying alone in my bed, my hot pillow sticking to the back of my sweaty neck. And I wondered what was wrong with me. Wondered why my friends who really weren’t as pretty as me had boyfriends and why no boy ever looked at me. And as the heat worked its way into my brain, every stupid stereotypical thought of self doubt bubbled up in my head, leaving me curled in a ball on my side, mascara leaving tracks on my face and making a dark puddle on the bridge of my nose.

Peer Review

A girl is upset that she's all alone, unaware of the fact she's going to meet her boyfriend very soon

You're very much aware of the situation. The thoughts are realistic, description is powerfully packed in the small paragraph, and your narrator, even in the midst of this strong sadness, still recognizes the irony of the entire situation.

At the very start of the piece, you mention that the narrator will find "him" very close after this weekend. It would be nice to reference that at the very end of the piece. You could go on to describe him, his personality, why you two work well together, etc. It can be as long as you want, but it definitely feels like the ending line is missing.

Reviewer Comments

I really like your story. It's short, but that doesn't have an effect on your writing. You gave description when you needed to and showing the narrator's thoughts always helped bring the scene alive. Good job! :)