Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2017
Message to Readers
Hi! I recently read a book based on 9/11 from different perspectives. When I was reading, I was overcome by this weird feeling. I still can't describe it. So, I wrote this short story based on a fictional character that was in the building when it happened. Of course, I wasn't there so I'm not sure how everything played out. But I really want your honest opinion on this. Was it realistic? Was it interesting or too boring? Thanks!
When I first read 'Twin Towers' in your excerpt, I was heavy with foreboding. You created the atmosphere of tension perfectly, and my heart was in my throat as I waited for the inevitable crash to occur.
The opening scene really set the tone and put me into the protagonist's mindset! I like how you kept her monologue going throughout the piece, and the interactions with her father and her boss also give me additional insight.
I would like the scene where she wakes up in the hospital to be expanded upon. If someone wakes up in the hospital after 9/11, I feel like their family's reaction should be more dramatic- thankful sobbing, embraces, that kind of thing.
You described it perfectly in the scene where she's going to work, I wouldn't change a thing!
This was lovely, and I'm sure you know it! Action-packed scenes are often hard to read, but while reading this, you were able to draw me in and keep me hooked!
I would like to mention one thing- in the scene where the protagonist gets a map from the other girl, the scene feels a bit rushed and orchestrated. Perhaps do something like her pulling a floor plan from Google on her phone??