Peer Review by ALangford (United Kingdom)

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The Cat

By: Adalyn025

1. The cat was angry.

2. The cat was hissing and his back was arched. This was due to the young child who had pulled his hair.

3. The cat was hissing and his back was arched. One could even see the individual hairs all spiked up. This was due to the incredibly curious child who had pulled his hair not two minutes ago. 

Peer Review

The first draft does not particularly interest me or engage me at all. However, by the third you've made it much more interesting for a reader. A lot of people, upon looking at this prompt, would have simply changed the word 'angry' to something viewed as more high-brow like 'irate' - but you recognised that it's so much stronger to allow a reader to infer this themselves rather than being told. But the third draft also establishes a real tone and voice which the first doesn't achieve at all, showing that you realise that this prompt isn't just encouraging people to make descriptions more complicated, but to insert tone and individualism into them.

This is quite a small moment which I doubt you'd really make into a short story, novel or essay normally, but I can really see this tone working in a short story or novel because your voice is so clean and easy to understand. I'd love to see you finding ways to link between the description you've refined and finding a way to strike that balance in a short story or novel between action and description.

Reviewer Comments

Well done - your last description is very appealingly visual, especially the second sentence of number three, which I can envisage really clearly in my head. It's almost like you're describing a picture rather than imagining it. However, I'd love to see some more experimentation with different senses in this piece - what does the hissing sound like? Could you compare it to anything? What can you smell? What's the texture of the cat's fur like? These sorts of multi-sense descriptions can be far more interesting for a reader and have much more depth.
I really enjoyed this though and hope to see more of your work on the site in the future!