Images

Nadia Kotova

United States

Hey guys!
Writer
Baker
Beverly Lewis books
Percy Jackson
Harry Potter
Louisa May Alcott
Disney
HTTYD
Homeschooled
Perpetually happy
Most importantly: a child of the King
I love you!
Jesus loves you!
To God be the glory!

Message to Readers

I need lots of help with this one. Please tear it apart with anything that can improve it. This character's voice is different from the style most of my characters speak with. Also, the expert review thing is closed even though it is still November 13th, with I can't deny I'm a little irritated about :D. I'm afraid it's a bit boring. Please, please, please pick it apart with anything you can think of. Thanks!

Lillian's Rain

November 13, 2017

    Raven stops at the top of the wooded hill. She gives her signature death glare to possibly me Briar. He makes more noise than the Hunters. 
    I lift the struggling pup off the ground. He'll learn to cope eventually. Raven growls at me when we reach the crest of the hill. I never gave her that kind of sympathy, not with where she came from.
    "He's young," I tell her as we sprint faster. Her blood-red cloak slips over her ebony ears, but I know she is still glaring. 
    A thunk sounds a little ways behind. Those archers are supposed to be the best in the kingdom, but they've never come close to hitting me.
    I hear on break away the throng. Probably to cut me off at Lavinia's clearing, but I am way ahead of him.  
    Quickly I duck into my cave with the dogs as I hear the men pick up speed. The burly Hunters won't be able to squeeze through the opening. Ivy cascades from the frame, so they wouldn't notice it anyway. 
    Their footsteps thud as they pass. Neither them, nor the one sent to send me off, will find us now. 
    Briar plays with a leaf on the ground. Raven sits on the opposite side of the mossy cave. Her hood has fallen off, and her different colored eyes, one amber and one blue, drill into me. 
    "Nothing like going to gather breakfast and then getting chased through the woods by the King's dirty men, eh Raven?" 
    She holds my gaze with an expression that makes the best of Hunters turn and run. They call her 'cursed dog'.
    But I don't believe in curses like the Hunters do. 
    They say the King only picks the best to become hunters. The most talented axmen and swordsmen and archers are sent into the woods after Poison Children. People like me. 
    But I've been living in these woods for sixteen years and I've never been caught. 
    Raven snarls at something and I crawl to her. A fox tooth tied to her hood string tinks a silver ring partly buried in the dirt. I brush it off, revealing two swords crossed over a flying pegasus. 
    A Hunter's ring. 
    "Curse it!" I spit. "Let's go. We will have bread for breakfast." 
    Raven stands readily at my feet while Briar continues to chew on the ivy leaf. Raven nips his ear. Raven is his mentor, I tell myself. She must discipline him. 
    Besides, it's always bad to get in the way of her kind. I may not believe in curses, but I do believe this.     
    I brew over the Hunter's ring as we follow the hidden deer trail. I'll never be able to use the cave again, not if one of them has found it. Curse my luck.
    My martin, Toby, joins us when we reach the creek. A rumble starts in Raven's throat. She doesn't like any of my animals, except for my cat Opal. It doesn't surprise me, all of her kind do. 
    I creak open my door, throwing a glance over my shoulder to be sure Hunters are not hidden in the trees. Briar and Toby follow me inside. Raven stays, watching the woods. Her kind don't fair well indoors. 
    I dump my gathering satchel next to my bow and quiver. The room is plain, with a fire place on one wall. My bed rests next to it, and a few steps away a table stands next to a few cabinets. A rug spreads across the floor. The door my forge mirrors the front. One painting hangs above the fireplace, a stone pit with green, blue, yellow, and pink mist swirling. Memory Lane is etched in a plate beneath it. 
    I glance at my ring, its emerald stone trapped in delicate bronze branches. It is related to that painting, somehow. I know it. 
    The ring once belonged to my mother and that Father had fashioned it in the forge, I assume.
    But I really don't remember.
    Raven's howls jar my from my thoughts. I flee out the door, leaving the animals in the house. Something is wrong; Raven doesn't howl. 
    She waits impatiently as I secure my quiver to my back. I hurry after her, because Raven is always patient. 
    She bounds away nimbly on her paws, her cloak fluttering behind her.  
    The bays of another dog sound as we reach into the forest. Raven slows and growls as we stop near the gave we hid in earlier. Wisps of purple smoke curl around our feet. 
    Sienna
    From the Pit of All Thoughts
    Northern Caves

    Keep her safe
    Curse those Hunters

    I breathe shakily. I do not know where the voices creep from.
    Another dog slinking warily towards Raven pulls me from my thoughts. His blue eyes are sharp, darting nervously. He is a shepherd of some sort, ears erect and coated sable. 
    He wags his tail at Raven hesitantly. 
    He turns and she follows him, her muzzle level with his shoulder. 
    We enter a thinner part of the forest. Raven's hackles bristle and a snarl lashes from her lips. 
    Hunter's leather. 
    It has been ripped to the point of indistinguishability. But I recognize the silver pegasus and swords that adorn the hood. 
    Raven barks. I look up, startled. 
    I step back quickly in alarm. A boy lies unconscious in the fork of a tree in front of me. The dog must be his.
    Heavy scars may mark his hand but there is no Hunter's ring. 
    The dog whines lightly when I touch the boy's arm. 
    "Hey." He says
    I jump. "You're awake. 
    "Yeah," His hands brush bite marks on his arms. "Can you do anything about this."
    "I'm good with injuries," I look at him warily. 
    He pulls himself from the fork of the tree and grins at me. "I'm Oliver. And you?"
    "Sienna," I say slowly. His posture speaks of status. "Where are you from?"
    His lovely blue eyes shatter. "I don't remember."

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

3 Comments
  • ARS7

    Thanks for the explanation. :) I'd probably understand it better if I read the rest of the novel. :)
    Have a great day!


    5 days ago
  • Nadia Kotova

    There is a lot of grammar stuff. A spectacular example of why I should never write while doing something else.
    They are humans and dogs. (Technically Raven is half dog, but that is irrelevant at this point.)
    Thank you!


    6 days ago
  • ARS7

    This is quite intriguing. There's a lot of grammatical error (but then, that's me all over) in this, but the plot is good, and your characters are believable. I was just very confused in the beginning about what kind of creatures these are. Humans and dogs?
    Hope you write more of this apart from the competition. :)
    Keep writing! You're doing great!
    God bless!


    6 days ago