Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you!
The beautiful descriptions! You're so good at the descriptive passages that you write. You strike a really original voice, making your descriptions totally unique, and you avoid cliches completely. For instance, the passage referring to the forest really engages the reader from the outset because it's just so beautifully written. You also do not simply use visual description, but you play on all of the senses, recounting smells and sounds and sensations as well. You're also really good at mixing plot and these sections, meaning that we get the right blend of action and sense of setting. All I would say on this front is that it might be a good idea to lead the piece with this rather than what you do start with, because it's such a strength that it would engage the reader straight away.
The character is very real because you make the tone of her speech really unique. We really get a sense of her character from this. However, I think we could learn more about her than we actually do - how about you elaborate a bit more on her background, why she's come here and how she feels towards her father? This might help to add depth to the character.
I would really like to see her arrival and conversation with her father expanded, not necessarily within the excerpt because obviously there's quite a small word limit but if you were to develop this into a novel. Attempting to understand a character's background and relationships will make us understand her a lot better and this could really help to make a reader more engaged.
This is something you definitely do not need to work on! Your description is really rich and full, elaborate yet succinct and very sensory. It's really, really appealing and amazing to read. Perhaps you could work more on displaying the broader scene - what's beyond the forest? What can she see apart from the 'green patch' as she leaves the car? But apart from this, yes, I have a complete sense of where it takes place and this was very well done.
Why wouldn't you keep at it? You're an incredible writer, you have such imagination and this was a really unique and incredible plot idea. It's a really colourful piece I feel, and I'd be very proud of myself had I written it because it truly is very beautiful. You could touch up a few pieces of grammar, but that won't take long at all and we all make those small errors. So essentially, I'd love to see this developed into a full novel and I'm very impressed with it and you.
Well done - I really enjoyed this and wish you the best of luck in the competition!