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1. Once upon a midnight dreary...
2. ace of spades
3. Bowties are cool
5. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry
6. TØP, FOB, P!ATD, Mumford and Sons, The Beatles, Black Sabbath, George Ezra, Hozier

Message to Readers


Break the Cliches: Helpful Ghost Who Didn't Mean to Possess Anyone

November 9, 2017




It would be even funnier if the ghost were just a little less than competent at these things because the person died long before refrigerators and microwaves were invented. 

Watching The Conjuring 2, which lends some inspiration: why do ghosts have to be malicious when they possess someone? For once, I want a ghost who apologizes profusely to the family on the grounds that it didn't know what it was doing, and it leaves cookies in the oven and tidies up before it leaves.

"Are you possessing this child to cause distress unto the family?"

"Is that what I'm doing? Oh my gosh, I'm so- I had no idea! I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I- I'll leave right away. Is there anything you need help doing, chores or groceries?"

"I...well...Vacuuming would be nice..."

"Consider it done, I'll take care of cleaning the house while you're at work and the children are at school. Let me take care of everything, so you can rest your feet and take a break."

"Ummmmm......thank you?"

*tidies house* *Makes kids' lunches* *feeds dog* *leaves card and cookies apologizing for disturbing them*

I can start it out with him investigating the refrigerator...

"Oh...how intriguing, I'm just...Maybe it needs cleaning...just open this box...oh my, is that brisk. Quite a draft...Oh, what's that? I'll just rearrange this shelf..."

The door to the fridge closes. Basil taps the inside demurely. 

"Hello? Pardon me? Pardon- I...hello? I seem to have gotten myself into a bit of a jam, really... hello? Rather chilly..."

What if the mother of the family's husband comes back and all the children are like "YOU GOTTA MEET BASIL" and "Basil's so great" and "He helps me with my homework and helps mum around the house" and he's like, all suspiciously, "WHO IS THIS BASIL AND ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?" And then the mother's like "oh no, dear, Basil is the helpful ghost we discovered while you were away on your business trip. He helps around the house, helps the children with homework..."

"So he's doing my job?" Alfie asked a bit testily, for he couldn't help it, everyone seemed to like this new ghost more than him. And it wasn't his fault of disposition that caused this statement, for if you'd just gotten home from a long trip and found your family had a great time without you, you'd be put out too. 

"Oh, no, dear," Carol insisted, tidying up the kitchen sink with more cheer and energy than he'd seen in a while, "Basil helps around the house, just does the odd job. You always did say I worked too hard, love!" 

"I...well...Carol, do you expect me to believe that a ghost has been your nanny all this time?" He waved a large hand helplessly.

"And housemaid!" Billy chimed in, driving his toy truck across the carpet happily. 

"And cook!" Victoria added, grinning in her two braids as she marched her toy lion across the floor. 

Alfie looked at the children speechlessly. Then, he turned to Carol, smiling, and using that tone that one uses in relation to the imagination of children. 

"I see. Is Basil their new make-believe mate?" 

Carol smiled a little, but she shook her head. 

"Well, I guess the only way that would make sense would be if you were to meet him." She looked around, and then told him to wait. Alfie tracked her progress around the house by her voice, in which she was calling the name of the proposed handyman he was to meet. He looked out the window and at the children with growing impatience, certain he was being had on for a fool when Carol emerged, somewhat dusty and flustered. 

"I couldn't find him," she answered his questioning look apologetically, "He's always doing something around the house. Pity is, he's so shy. Only comes out really when we need help." She knelt down to Billy and Victoria, who had combined their games to look like the somewhat alarming and mildly perplexing conjunction of both the savanna and urban life, wherein Victoria's zebra and lion were knocking over model buildings and, well...fulfilling the duties of Godzilla on holiday. 

"Billy, Vickie, have you seen Basil about?"

Billy took a knuckle out of his mouth to answer, 

"He was cleaning the rug in the parlor!"

"No, he finished that. I think he moved on to tidying up the kitchen," Victoria added, smiling her gap-toothed smile. She flicked a shining braid over her shoulder proudly, "After he braided my hair. Isn't it nice, Daddy?"

Alfie didn't much like the idea of anyone going near his children or traipsing around the house doing God-knows-what, but he told her,

"It looks very pretty, duck." He smiled, but it felt strained. Neither Carol or him possessed the dactyl dexterity to fulfill such a feat, and the thought that an unknown hired man-- for he certainly could not be a ghost-- had braided his daughter's hair made him feel cold from the crown of his head to his toes. 

"Carol, may I have a word, love?" He smiled for the children's benefit, and his wife and him went into the kitchen. When they entered,  Carol leaned against the sink and crossed her arms.

"All right, give me your thoughts," she said, and Alfie blew out his breath.

"I don't like the idea of some random man, someone neither of us has met, going about our house and sorting out our domestic affairs. He could be dangerous to the children-"

"Alfie, he does the dishes, makes the children lunch, dusts, cleans, vacuums EVERY room once a week, feeds the dog, helps the children with homework, and plays with them, all for nothing. If anything, he is a godsend-"

Alfie sighed.

"But Carol, love, couldn't it be an act-"

"An ACT!" Carol threw her hands into the air, "Alfred, I knew you'd take this hard, but that ghost has done nothing but-"

"A ghost? You invited a GHOST into OUR home?" 

Carol blew some thin, brown hair out of her face, 

"No, Alfred, he already was in the house!"

"You found some strange man wandering in the house?!"

"No, he's a ghost," she emphasized the word, as they ignored the anonymous tapping by the refrigerator. "A perfectly harmless one who wanted to help us! He was fairly polite about it too, even apologized for possessing one of the children-"


"-Accidentally, really, Alfie, it's no big deal, he bakes us cookies every day, after he gets the groceries and does all the chores. He wanted to walk the dog too, but I told him it would look strange-"

"Where does he get all the eggs?" Alfie mused.


"Where does he get all the eggs for baking cookies?"

"Well, I don't know, I buy them when I go out for groceries..." Carol answered a bit uneasily, as she realized how much the ghost had taken on most of the familial duties, and how easily they'd ceded them. 

Alfie took her hand,

"Carol, you didn't agree to anything, did you? Any type of payment?" He asked fiercely.

Carol shook her head numbly. 

"He wants to help out, that's all he does," she said, "I think he'd PROTEST if we told him to stop. The poor spirit was so profusely apologetic, he was nearly neurotic. Believes he has to work in our debt for ever having accidentally possessed her." 

Alfie shook his head and ran a hand over his face.

"Well, where is that spirit of yours?" 

Carol shrugged, helplessly.

"He comes and goes. Always flitting around the house, doing chores and busywork. Not much for social contact outside of that." She frowned, "do you hear that sound?"

Alfie paused, as they both listened to the faint tapping. If they strained their ears, the traces of some faint phrase could be heard. 

"Oh, that must be him!" Carol beamed, pulling open the refrigerator as a brief draft of frigid air drifted out. As she did, Alfie squinted at the spirit who had tumbled onto the floor, picking himself up and dusting himself off. He was a middle aged, meek-looking gentleman, rather small with round spectacles gleaming on his nose. He blinked his large eyes and then rubbed the frost off of the glass, all the while speaking. While stumbling about with frosted glasses, Alfie steadied the small man, bemused. Hardly the picture of a home attacker he had envisioned. 

"Oh, thank you so much, my deepest apology for the troubles...Didn't mean to impose, just thought I would tidy up a bit...the door closed, just like that!" He snapped his fingers, as his glasses cleared, and he beheld the father in the kitchen. Basil stepped back a bit and let his image fade into the background, and Carol sighed,

"Basil, this is Alfie. He's Victoria and Billy's father." She gazed over fondly, "and my husband. Don't be rude."

Basil reappeared shyly, and shook his hand. It felt like a brief touch of ice. 

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir, I've heard all about you...All good things, mind you...They'd have to be to produce such wonderful children...Oh, dear, I'm rambling again." He straightened his glasses as Carol said, 

"How about your name?" 

The ghost nodded and gave a shy smile. It was at that moment that Alfie decided he was entirely harmless, and took his hand.

"Basil," he introduced himself. And then promptly disappeared.


See History

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  • WhiltiernaWolfLord

    "Always bring a banana to a party, Rose, good source of Potassium. "

    over 2 years ago
  • Kaitlyn ❄


    over 2 years ago
  • WhiltiernaWolfLord

    *DOO WEEEE DOOOOO* favorite Doctor (s), GO!

    over 2 years ago
  • Kaitlyn ❄

    I love that I get to meet fellow Whovians on this website. *growls* computer don't tell me that "Whovians" isn't a word because it is!

    over 2 years ago
  • WhiltiernaWolfLord

    :) Thank you!! *zooms off in TARDIS*

    over 2 years ago
  • Kaitlyn ❄

    The best of luck to you!

    over 2 years ago
  • WhiltiernaWolfLord

    Thank you!!! So many positive comments! I'm going to figure out how to write more. (Although, it is National Novel Writing Month/NaNoWriMo, so I'm a bit waylaid until the end of November). ;) THANKS, GUYS, FOR ALL THESE POSITIVE COMMENTS!!!!!!! <3 ya and keep writing and reading!!!

    over 2 years ago
  • Kaitlyn ❄

    You're "FANTASTIC" WhiltiernaWolfLord!

    over 2 years ago
  • rainandsonder

    This is really awesome. I love it.

    over 2 years ago
  • WhiltiernaWolfLord

    *nyam* *nyam* doo wee doooooo

    over 2 years ago
  • Kaitlyn ❄

    *Tardis* whoosh whoosh.

    over 2 years ago
  • Kahasai

    I love it!

    over 2 years ago
  • WhiltiernaWolfLord


    over 2 years ago
  • WhiltiernaWolfLord


    over 2 years ago
  • Kaitlyn ❄

    Hilarious. And I'm in love with your profile picture. Allons-y!

    over 2 years ago