Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
any kind of feedback is appreciated!
The mix of dialogue and summarised dialogue was next to perfect here in my opinion - there was very little dialogue compared to narrative and introspection, but that really worked and helped to make every piece of dialogue that you did use really well considered and crafted.
Generally no - you established character really well through really subtle means, so that I felt from the outset fairly sure on the different roles of individuals within the text. There's always room to develop on this, obviously, and you could consider in future referring maybe to other details that make up people, perhaps some form of idiosyncrasy that Susan may have, or more about the way Maya's thoughts travel as opposed to her actions. However, you really made established and three dimensional characters within a short space of time, and whilst allowing the text to flow fluidly.
Some more on setting could be useful - it's quite hard to integrate it, which I appreciate, but you could perhaps have noted little details whilst your narrator's thoughts wandered or have painted more of a picture of the scene between sections of dialogue. You used little details like the car really well to paint a picture, but a broader image may have been useful to the reader.
There were innumerable impressive things about this - your voice was really original throughout, the concept was really clever and really eloquently expressed and I found the ending/title really interesting. I was engaged throughout and was really impressed by your writing. This is one of the best things I've read in a long time.
Have you considered writing plays? Of course, it could be a waste of your stunning narrative voice but it struck me that a lot of the non-dialogue in here was action. This might translate really well onto the stage, retaining that lovely dialogue but also detailing the action for the actors and painting a really lovely, intimate scene. It might be a nice thing to experiment with, anyway.
Well done for this, it was really beautiful and I'll certainly be on the lookout for other things that you've been writing!