Peer Review by ALangford (United Kingdom)

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On the Last Day of the World

By: nmallaghan


If the world were really coming to an end,
To all my loved ones, honest messages I would send.
 


Peer Review

It's very frank - you haven't made it too overly elaborate, but rather placed your focus on honesty. It's also quite mysterious - I'm intrigued as to the dishonesty with which you must, then, converse in everyday life. That's a really clever concept to have drawn upon - we all feel that we can be very untrue to what we're really thinking in everyday life, and it's interesting that you'd choose to confess this on the last day of the world. Would this be because you'd feel spiritually cleaner, or just because you want to show your loved ones how you really feel about them?


I'm left with an equal feeling of regret for that universal notion that I'm just an actor and not genuine etc. It's quite a shame that this prompt wasn't asking for anything more extended because I would love to see how you would have developed this further.


Reviewer Comments

This shows a really good grasp of rhythm, and you cleverly inverted the second line in order to make it rhyme which contributed further to its effect as well as giving it a really poetic turn. In light of this, do you write poetry often? I think you'd be excellent at it, given that you clearly know how to phrase things with charm yet succinct depth. I'd love to see you experimenting with different structures outside of this quite closed prompt. I'd also love to see how you might develop this really individual idea in follow-up writing - do you feel like a liar in everyday life? What do you conceal from those around you, and why?
This was really well phrased within the prompt and really caught my eye - well done.