Peer Review by Grace Mary Potts (Australia)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


My anchor ⚓️❤️

By: Kaylamilson


PROMPT: Open Prompt

         Chapter 1: one glance 
I remember u hopping into my car on a cold day,shy you were we were all crammed into the backseat listening to pierce the veil, You seemed to have no expression a blank canvas. I couldn't stop looking at you. scared I was to talk to you.Lost in your words while we walked through various halls and stores. We finally sat in the crowded cafeteria of the mall surrounded by seas of talking people, I bit into the hard taco we purchased before,you began to laugh My eyes brightened to the shock of the single sound coming out of your mouth. We shared a few laughs I couldn't bare the thoughts that roamed that were still living the month before.I ran off with my friend frustrated with my own motives. Don't leave was stuck in my head at the time, I left them alone to drift. All anybody could hear was silence I felt the emotions of the meanings. A long day full of memories but all I remembered was you, Your silence and logic surprised me. I liked it.
  


Message to Readers

This is a personal story about how I met my first love and struggles we got through more to come, feel free to write a comment


Peer Review

A beautiful depiction of a first meeting and the beginnings of a possible love story. Simple, elegant and gorgeously described.


You have an innate, if somewhat raw, ability to paint the picture - to harness your words in such a manner that you are able to form a wonderfully vivid image in the mind of the reader.


I'll admit I got a little bit confused with this part: "Don't leave was stuck in my head at the time, I left them alone to drift." Left what/whom alone to drift? Your thoughts? Your friends? I'm sorry, that section just confused me a little bit.


Reviewer Comments

There is a quiet elegance and simplicity to this piece that I simply love. I was completely sucked in by it - the way it was worded was evocative and I was able to understand, with clarity, what the character was feeling.

I do think you need to work on your grammar and, as I'm sure you've noticed, I have been quite blunt in pointing out a few errors. I think improving your grammar would really help this piece (and you) meet its (your) potential. It is of course, something you'll get better at with time, so no rush. I think you're off to a brilliant start Kayla! And may I be the first to welcome you to Write the World! :)