songbird_102

Canada

I'm eighteen years old. I'm from Ontario, Canada and am currently in my first year of my BA in arts and social sciences at Dalhousie in Halifax, Nova Scotia. I've been writing privately since I was six and appreciate any constructive criticism.

Message to Readers

Constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated. This is an old school assignment with a lot of potential.

To All the Girls Whose Fathers Broke Their Hearts Before Any Boy Ever Could

October 27, 2017

FREE WRITING

2
To All the Girls Whose Fathers Broke Their Hearts Before Any Boy Ever Could,
Do not listen to him. You are wonderful. You are worth it. You always have been, and you always will be.
Do not make excuses for him, but do not hold a bitter attitude. Your anger, your pain, and your hurt will not burn him. It will consume you, though. It will destroy you slowly and painfully from the inside out. It will burn you until you are nothing but charred ashes watching Netflix. He will not feel it. He will not be burned. He’ll just ignore it. That’s what he’s good at isn’t it? Now, I know that sounded bitter, but that’s why I’m writing this.
I realized too late that my fire was destroying me and doing absolutely nothing to him. I hadn’t realized that my mouth was filled with intense fiery venom until it was all I spoke. Until I was no longer the damaged girl, but the hollow young woman or, the cold-hearted bitch. Take your pick, either works. My venom burned its way through my sanity, my emotions, my personality, and just about every relationship I had. Emphasis on had.
Waking up and realizing you have no one to help you pick up the pieces will maliciously rip the wind right out of your lungs, turn your heart into tar, and draw heavy tears made of lead to your eyes. You have pushed everyone away. It doesn’t matter if that wasn’t your intention. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t entirely your fault. Pointing your grime covered finger and getting red in the face will be pointless because there will be no one to witness the beginning of your ending. Whether that’s because you do the smart thing, listen to Elsa and let it go, or maybe because you do truly end.
The numb feeling that’s been welcome up until this point will take over. The brightness of joy will come less and less often, the panic attacks will come more and more often, and your sudden mood swings will become common. Expected. Take up permanent residence. You’ll start being able to see them coming, like a vicious and relentless thunderstorm with clouds so black, and a wind shrieking so loudly and painfully, you’ll think the world was coming to an end. Maybe it is. Maybe you’ll care, maybe you’ll just try to feel sad or terrified when you realize the world is ending and you don’t feel anything.
And that is, by far, the worst part of everything. The numbness. That if you stood looking up at the sky and saw the end of days, you would feel barely anything. Or nothing at all.
Please, just do something for me. Sit up straight, lift your head put your hands apart on the surface in front of you, close your eyes, and, through your mouth and nose,  just breathe. In and out, slowly and calmly.
Breathe in... Breathe out.
Breathe in... Breathe out.
Breathe in... Breathe out.
Breathe in... Breathe out.
How do you feel? I hope you feel better. Lighter.
I don’t want you to become me. A spiteful woman who can go from Felicity Smoak, to the Hulk in 2.3 seconds. Snuff out your fire of rage before it’s too late. It hurts, at least I think it does (I don’t know for sure), to be burned this badly. Take my story as a warning. Please. Just let go of all your pain. Everything that hurts you. I don’t want you to become like me. So don’t listen to him. Do not heed his words. Devalue his opinion of you until it becomes even more useless than a white crayon. Because that is what will burn him. When he realizes that you don’t care anymore. When he realizes that he is only burning himself. That he has lost you. Hopefully at this point you realize he isn’t worth it. But you are.
Sincerely, A girl who’s father broke her heart before any boy ever could (and finally started her recovery)

Print

See History
  • October 27, 2017 - 1:11pm (Now Viewing)

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

1 Comment
  • ALangford

    Beautiful. I guess you understand what this means to me as someone in a similar situation, so really, thanks


    about 3 years ago