Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Is there anything that seems to choppy or abrupt (that isn't meant to be) that I should change? Any feedback or comments would be great!
I think instead of noting a line that stands out to me, which is irrelevant in this piece because all of the lines were equally beautifully crafted, I should note the particular lines which engaged me, which were your use of stage directions. You describe the stage with massive detail from the outset in a style reminiscent of Arthur Miller - it's clear that you have really strong ideas about how it should be set out and how the characters should appear and it's excellent that you've gone into this much detail. Your description of setting ensures that it's unmistakably your play and anyone watching it would recognise the distinctive scenery from the outset. Additionally, while you describe the characters, you don't tend to give distinctive physical detail but detail about how they should appear due to their personality - it is up to the actor to decide how they reflect these character traits. I think it is always very important to let the actor have a bit of scope with their own character, so it's really good that you've done this.
I think an audience would be engaged throughout by the sense of mystery, surrealism and magical charm and also the incredible depth of the characters. Over the course of just one short piece of writing, you make these characters into real, living, breathing people. You're really good at mimicking the real tones, movements and inflections of speech. This sense of mystery and suspense prevails even after the scene is over, because although we achieve a resolution in Sammy's character, we don't in Moira's.
When's the next scene?! I'm so hooked on this piece that I'd really love to see this extended. You clearly care a lot for your characters already and are enthusiastic about the theme. The effort you put into making this a piece of stylistic beauty is astronomical and I'd love to see it on the stage. But there are so many unanswered questions by the end of this piece that there's no question that you should extend it. If you did end up doing this, I would ask if you intended to just continue the Moira storyline or the Samy and Kameron one too? Is this the first scene of the play, or would you place anything before it?
The one thing I would say is that you could think a bit more about staging. In your piece, it seems almost as though the characters stay grounded in one space. It's not up to the playwrite to dictate when the characters should move in the space, or where to, but I think it would be a really interesting point to consider, especially if you would ever consider directing a piece of your own work like this.
I can't think of a single piece of criticism for this work - it's beautifully crafted throughout, you've constructed a really interesting and dynamic world which I would love to see more of and you're clearly passionate about it. Well done; this was extremely pleasant to read and I hope to read more of your writing in the future!