Peer Review by Ash (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Mind of the Blind

By: Sasha K. Lotnikee


"Apples, peaches, pears, and grapes," I mutter under my breath. Bumpy little dots guide me everyday as I walk down the aisle. Closed eyes and stretched eyelids cover my unseeing eyes. Darkness and loneliness overwhelms me everyday, everywhere. Everyone stares at me like I'm a monster. Fearing that I will bite or kill them, that I will hurt them. Grasping the fruit basket, I walk past the whispering crowd. Holding up my chest, showing them I am proud. Inside, I am angry: I sacrificed myself to be like this. Jostled, teased at, bullied, shunned from society, all because I defended my friend. Kicked in the back, jabbed at both eyes, I had foolishly stood in front of my friend. "Let me at him," I thought. My act of love and defense lost me my eyes. Now I can't see what food I'm buying. Ocular surgery won't save me-I am doomed to stay like this all my life. Proudly, I walk to the frozen section without pausing. Quietly, I hear people shuffle their feet from me. Rather than frown, I smile. Smiling, glad to have saved a friend's life, even though it cost me my eyes. To tell the truth, I'm glad I'm blind. Unseeing, it shows my courage, my bravery, my sacrifice. Very slowly, I drag my hands across the braille for the ingredients for a fruit bar. Water, Apples, Peaches, Pears, and Grapes. Xanthan gum. Yes, I love being blind-there is more meaning to the words sacrifice now. Zealously, I rush toward the cashier, ready to pay for my fruit.


This story is composed of part fragments, part sentences. Will this qualify?


Peer Review




Reviewer Comments

I like the idea behind your piece, very unique. The only problem is it gets lost sometimes with the execution, the worst being at the third sentence. No big mistakes or anything though. May want to look up some synonyms for friend or maybe name him/her. Probably just me being picky, but you use the word friend back to back for the J and K sentences. Overall, very good. Best of luck!