Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
“we run for a few minutes, or an hour, or a sunlit eternity.” this line just feels so blissful and free. Almost like you were describing “heaven”
Your feelings of first love seem so pure and dreamlike, giving us a beautiful and free idea of what love could be.
I don’t know if you’re trying to use “she” as a unifying word or for emphasis, but it is used too repetitively as a sentence starter. It kind of makes you lose interest.
Also, your lack of capital letters really irked me, but I don’t know if that was just because you wanted a review on the quality of writing rather than a technical analysis.
Maybe start a new paragraph after “floating” in the first paragraph to improve flow.